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I guess time flies when you are busy!!!! Yes I have been so very busy been wanting to write and really have had a hard time thinking how to write everything I am feeling. This is normally not ever a problem for me as I write just what is in my head raw an unedited emotions of this journey I am on. However I think the problem has been that I have to many thoughts and none the same that I do not really know what I am thinking these days or how I really feel.
So I will start with all the fun and good stuff then move to my thoughts. I think that is a good plan I hope you do not mind that the post may skip around a little bit. Sorry if it is confusing. So I guess we will start with today then go to the weekend and then how things are and my thoughts and if I am still on a roll with writing a poem at the end. I can feel the poem burning through me wanting to come out so I supposed on with it.
Today being Monday Deanna and I went and picked up the last of the blankets for the Cuddles From The Heart project. I counted them all out and have them bagged ready to load Wed. morning to head to U of M and give them out to the kids at Mott!!!! More to come on that when it happens! Keep looking here and at the website to see how it goes!! Any guesses on how many blankets we have????
Now we will talk about the weekend from Friday to Sunday as some of it ties in with other parts. Well we got blasted last week with snow. I am not a snow fan hence forth my decision to move to Kentucky after the first of the year. Well it snowed here so much that we were under a blizzard warning from Tuesday night to Thursday. I stayed in my home not leaving and finally left on Friday. Just went to the store, but it was out. The roads were clear by then thank goodness. While out I ran into the Heideman boys and so it was decided I would call on Saturday after seeing my kids and we would go sledding! More of that to come...
Saturday I seen my kids and we really did have a good time. We painted and ate doughnuts and played games! Here are some pics of my kids Saturday. I took some as we were unable to get our family pics done as Sofi was not feeling well. Hopefully we will be doing them on this Saturday. Here are the kiddos.........

Jayde my little Tater TotJonathin My Little ManJessa Nope no Nickname She is JessaAnd all three of them Jonathin, Jessa, and Jayde

Really I am so blessed with these three absolutely amazing kids! They are so cute and obviously used to me taking pictures as they all just posed so well! LOL They are my little models...And Krissy's models too!!! LOL
So after visiting with my kiddos I called to see if I could take the boys sledding. The answer was yes and off we went to the hills. In Newaygo County we have two great sledding hills. We went to both and by the time it was done we were sledding for 4 1/2 hours. I will show some pics, but I have to inform the workd that at the age of 26 there are some things I should not be doing anymore!!! Sledding may be at the top of that list!!! My body is not meant to be jostled and jumping snow jumps at all!!! OMG the ride down is alright, but the walk up are you kidding me?! No good let me tell you it is two days after I was sledding and my body is still hurting! And they wanna go again on Saturday! Oh boy! So after sledding though we went to their Grandmas and made christmas cookies, ornaments, and, reindeer food. SO here are some of my favorite pics from Saturday wth my little brothers.

This is Hunter and Dakota taking a breakGage on his way down!Logan going down with Gage looking on!The DeWard's showed up too!!! This is before our race with them which I did win just for the record. This is Nate, Micah and Noelle.Gage decorating his cookies! Lots of Sprinkles!!!Jared putting on the kisses for the cookies!
My finished cookies....I have not decorated cookies since I was a little girl now I know why I am to picky on how they look!!! All about the finished product!!!

Well after cookie making I took the boys to my house and we watched my favorite winter movie...The Polar Express!!!!! Did you know the man that wrote this book was from Grand Rapids, MI???? Yep he is a Michigander. After that movie I took Dakota and Jared home and Logan, Gage, and Hunter all stayed with me to spend the night to go with me to church on Sunday morning.

Sunday came and we all went to church. The boys all looked great all dressed up and were very well behaved. After church we went back to the boys' house and then we went to take their family pics for their Christmas card. They turned out really nice and I got a pic of me with the boys too. As soon as I an get it posted I will. I really do just love having that family around. I have little sisters that I grew up with, but not brothers. I am really quited honored and blessed that they took me in as their sister and that I get to have them be a part of my life. After pics we went back and had lunch then I cam home and took a nap. Those boys exhausted me!!! LOL They are fun though.
So there was the weekend in its entirity. So now I guess on with all th thoughts in my head.

Well lets start with this. There still is no tree in my house and I am for sure not putting pne up. I am just not that into the holidays at all. Thankful for the gift from God, but not into all the holiday hype. I am so empty feeling inside.
So I made it to church for the second week in a row. I guess it is weird to be there I am just not what I think everyone expects me to be. Not to mention I again walked out still feeling so empty. How is it that I want to be there so I go for me and no one else yet I walk out feeling no different than when I wlaked in. I do not even feel slightly changed in it?? I am starting to get discouraged. No more hiding on my blog I am going to continue going to my church, but I am also going to start checking out some other options. I really think that so much has happened there that I just have a very hard time going there and it being a good thing for me. It hurts to feel that way as my church has been a part of my life for all 26 years of it .
Also I guess it is happening that life is going on. I am not sure how I feel about this. I still wake up everyday and immediately think of Ethin and I fall asleep with his monkey and blanket and he is with me, but I am really going on with life. Not because I want to, but because I have to. Yes I have to for so many people and by going on he lives on. I just am not taking this realization very well. People do not talk about Ethin anymore and I am still not going out in public a lot, but I am going to church and even there he is not discussed much anymore. I am so lost in the world that I am not sure how to react to anything anymore.
So many things are so different and I miss him so much. I imgine if he were here now he would be sitting up and maybe even crawling. He would be wearing cute 1st Chritmas outfits. Instead I am worried about if his casket is cold should I have put him in pants and warmer clothes. Did I wrap him in his blanket tight enough? What does he look like in Heaven? Is it snowing and did he go sledding? So many things and not enough time in the day to think about it all and stay sane. I just miss him so much.
Nope no poem sorry

Please pray

Sofi Biopsy in the morning
Logan Cath on the 30th
Derrick Cath on the 21st
Deanna & I as we travel on Wed to U of M
Ricky as he fights the cancer
Delorey Family
My friend Leslie for her appt. at MSU on the 28th


I love you Ethin. I miss you so much and wish more than anything you were here. I cry so much and I know you do not want me to, but my heart really is just broke. The time is approaching that I have been dreading. What is Heaven like Punk? Are tehre lights up there for Christmas? Are you staying close to Ethan, Nathan, Gracie, Kaetlynn, and Grandpa? Hockey games are not the same this year to watch without you. We are giving out the blankets on Wednesday. You really have touched so many!!! I figure this is your Christmas gift to the world. I love you I hope you always know that. Please never forget the smiles you have put on my face. Know that I would be with you if I could and that there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you. Be good, Always smile, and send me a kiss! Love mommy