Ethin changed who we were as a family when he entered this world January 9, 2009. He continued to change us while he was here and we see his hands in everything we do now too. Jessa just the other day said to me, "Mom I want to run Ethin's Heart Still Beats when I get bigger." Jonathin all the time says he wishes he had Ehtin here, but loves that he has Ethin everywhere. Jayde still cries and I still tell her that it is OK cuz I cry too. However the tears have slowed down and I continue to try and see God's blessings each and everyday.
Just the other day I went out to the cemetery. It is normally a very quiet place for me to think, pray, talk to God, and talk to Ethin. While I was there for the first time in just over two years I felt a great sense of peace. When Ethin was born they said that it was as if he was born with just half a heart. When Ethin died I said his heart was whole, because he took half of mine with him. As I sat there last week I realized that Ethin is in all of my heart and that my heart as broken and as hurt as it was feels almost whole again and full of love and happiness. If Ethin never would have existed I would not have met so many people or have so many of the friends I do. If Ethin were still here I would not be head over heels in love with the most amazing, patient, and understanding man ever. You see Ethin's life and death has shaped my whole life. While my plans and dreams, and hopes all changed on June 27, 2009, God had already been laying out the life HE intended for me to lead. HE was putting everything in place for me to succeed into the woman HE would need me to be to be a good mother to the J Triplets and to be the woman that Phil needed too.
I am learning a lot these days when it comes to relationships. Phil and I have required much understanding and patience for one another. While we clearly have a lot of fun together we also have moments that are difficult. I to this day am not even sure how he has watched me go through two June 27th's and stayed right by my side through it. He allows me to cry if I need to and has even told me he doesn't know what to do for me, but he does just what I need him to do; he never gives up on me! Phil and I talked about if Ethin were still here and we are both very sure that we would not be together as my life would have led me down a completely different path. There is a great understanding from Phil though that I would give this up for Ethin to be here. However that is not the case and that has opened up a way and a light for Phil to be a very present part of my life! Just in case I forget to mention I honestly believe that Phil is the LOVE of my LIFE....Through heartache, heart break, tears, loss, and fear he is truly the one man I can not imagine my life without! I am blessed!
The J Triplets........As promised here they are just two weeks before Ethin was born.....................