Heartfelt Blogger Award

First thing I want to share on this update is that tonight when I got on here I was left a message by Lauren that she had nominated me for the Heart Felt Blogger award! Laurens Blog is Lauren's Heart Hope~Love~Faith. Lauren gave me this award and it just touched my heart to know that she thinks so highly of my writing about our life since Ethin entered this world and now the blog as our family grieves the loss of Ethin. Thank You so much Lauren I am so touched!

The Heartfelt Blogger Award is awarded to the blogs that make us feel all comfy or warm inside when we read them.

Here are the Rules for this award:

1) Display the award logo
2) Nominate up to 9 blogs that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside
3) Link to your nominees and leave a comment on their blog telling them about the award

4) Link to the person whom you received the award

Here are the blogs that I am nominating in no order at all the blogs that I red and follow and that really just touch me to the core.

1) Shannon as she just always is so positive and encouraging and I love the way she shares their CHD journey with "D". He is such a ham and I she has been there for me through so much of this journey after losing Ethin.

2) Sundie I just loving reading about Sydnie and her sister. She is a true CHD Warrior and Sundie shares this journey with us and it gives HOPE!

3) Emily is a friend from church that I grew up with and when her niece was born last year she began to share Hope's journey with all of us and her posts are always so positive and uplifting. I find so many times that I smile reading this journey.

4) Ashley she shares her husbands and life after the loss of their son Nolan. She writes in ways that make it easy to connect and she expresses so many things that I have felt.

5) Leeanne is a Heart mom but this is HER blog that I follow where she talks about life in general and how she feels. She is so open and honest and it touches my heart to read her honesty and about her amazing Faith.

These are the blogs I chose however I love all the ones I follow and read. Again Thank You Lauren for nominating me and giving me a tear as I see by writing that Ethin, the J Triplets and I are giving Hope to others and touching lives. I really just write to get it out never thought I would be honored with such a lovely award. Thank you!

Alright now on to the blogging!!! I am not going to include the Heart Ball and Cuddles stuff in this update, but I will ask for pics for The Faces of CHD Video I am making for the Heart Ball. I need pics of CHD warriors, angels, adults for the video I am putting together I am going to accept pics till the end of the month. I with a picture need the name, CHD, and if it is an angel I need the birth date and Angel date. You can email them to me at chdhlhs09@yahoo.com Spread this word around please. And thanks in advance.
Well things here are fast paced and forever changing. I am staying so very busy with the preparations for the Heart Ball and sorting through blankets for the Cuddles from the Heart program. Oh the way that everything seems to be falling into place and none of this would have happened without Ethin.
I have found myself quite sick again. If I am not better by tomorrow I will be going to the doctor yet again. I am so sick of being sick!!!
With being sick that brings me to Luke the nephew of a very good friend of mine. I asked for prayers for him earlier this week. He is having a scope done at 730 on Friday morning, because the doctors said that he has been sick for to long. Please continue to pray for this family here is his care page go there and leave them a message please! cp: davidluke

Well with getting that award from Lauren it has made me feel the need to write a few things...When Ethin was born in January I started his care page cp: Ethinspage to update our family and friends and church on how he was doing. I quickly connected with other heart families and families with sick children. They would come to his page and read and leave messages for us. After Ethin passed away so many people asked that I keep everyone posted on the J Triplets and myself. I thought I owed that to so many who prayed for our family and then I found that it was just a great way for me to express so many things. I created this blog to continue to do that. I know that sometimes when I write it makes many cry or many have no words. That is really OK I never realized until Lauren gave me this award that I really am touching your lives with my words. I just knew that I had to keep writing and keep sharing my thoughts. So thank you for opening your hearts to my family and I. Thank you for supporting me and reading even when it is not easy to do so.
I will try to blog a good blog this weekend, but I need to get back to sleep.
Blessings,
Jessica

Prayers for Luke Please!!!

Not for me or my kids but here is the update please just pray and spread the word there are 2400 followers we can send some prayers!!! Love you all thanks here is the info

I have a huge prayer request for one of my very close friends 9 year old nephew Luke Marsh he has been at DeVos children's hospital now since Friday and was transferred there after spending a day at another hospital they said he has swine flu and possibly a bacterial infection please pray for him and his family.
Here is his care page I was just given it go and leave this amazing family and sweet kid a message of support! cp: davidluke

https://www.carepages.com/carepages/davidluke

Please pray for him and go leave a message letting them know we are all here. You have all been so supportive and amzing for me and my kids.....This is my friends Tammi and Tom's nephew and Tammi and Tom are like my family so please pray for Luke!

Counting the Days

January 9, 2010
VFW Hall
9075 Mason Dr
Newaygo, MI 49337

Doors will open at 4:30pm
A welcome will happen at 5:30pm
Dinner immediately following the welcome 6pm-7pm eat dinner
7pm introduction and about the event
715pm introduction of a speaker
745 faces of CHD video
8pm a formal waltz in memory of Ethin Twigg
805pm a thank you and enjoy the rest of our evening dancing

Dinner will be donated and catered by CSK Catering. There will be things to drink with a tip jug donation.
There will be a silent auction and dancing after the thank you
Tickets are $75 for one or $125 for two please make checks payable for the tickets to Jessica Twigg and in the memo line write Heart Ball
This is a black tie event so dig out your tuxes and formal gowns for a great cause that will help the Hearts of many!!!
All proceeds from this event will be donated to the University of Michigan Mott's Children's Hospital Congenital Heart Center in Memory of Ethin RaiLuc Twigg 1/9/09-6/27/09
R.S.V.P. to Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
616-634-3029
In other news I am still in desperate need of blankets. Our Cuddles From The Heart Program in MI is off to a good start and we have about 210 so we only need about another 90. I think that this is very doable. I also think that if we get more than that would be even better as it would allow the kids and the families to really have a choice. You can mail me your new store bought or homemade blanket to Jessica Twigg 513 Sunset Dr. Newaygo, MI 49337
We will be handing these blankets out in Feb. at Mott's where Ethin spent his life. The comfort of our own blankets during his life was just enough to make the hospital feel more like our home than a hospital. The nurses liked putting them on his bed and I liked knowing there were some areas where comfort was attainable. So let's get these blankets!!!
I also still have Ethin's Bracelets. They are $2 each and I can mail them to you if you mail me the money to the above address also. All the money from these bracelets are funding the heart ball. I am also in desperate need of more pictures for my Faces of CHD video. I need pictures of people and children with CHD's emailed to me at chdhlhs09@yahoo.com with the picture I also need the name of the child and the CHD they have. I also need more CHD Angel pictures with those pictures I need their first name and last name if you wish as well as their birth date, Angel date, and CHD. Spread this around please as I am trying to make this video a good one to show at the heart ball.

Well I took a the weekend off from writing and I am back to it! Lots to share I guess or a head full of thoughts that run my life! Thoughts are controlling. Sometimes in my head I feel like I am in a circle room and I am frantically trying to find a corner to hide in. Not gonna happen right?! Anyhow before I get to into all this I want to share a few things with you that I got this week.

This amazing collage was made by Abiding Hope Collages.

I sent them Ethin's name and the things that remind me of him or that describe him. Joshua 1:9 is his birth verse and it says this...."Be strong and courageous do not be terrified do not be afraid for the Lord your God will be with where ever you are." That may be the one thing that when I think about I still just see that to be so fitting for Ethin.

Also I have this picture of Ethin's Angel wings. The wings were made by Angel Wings Memorial Boutique. I should be getting these in the mail I believe.

I love the wings. They are so beautiful. makes me think he really does have wings up there. Oh how much I miss him and wish he would use those wings to fly down to my arms!

This past week really was a rough one for me. Ethin would have been 10 months old. Our heart family celebrated their Ethan's 9th birthday at the cemetery with a balloon release for him. Another Heart Warrior one her fight and went to Heaven. I am just so over taken by the thoughts. How none of this is fair.
10 months ago I was Heart Mom and now I am a Mom with a child in Heaven. I did not ask for this. I did not want this. My heart just aches for Ethin and my heart aches for Sandy as I know this week was so hard on her with Ethan's birthday. Ya know I have some thoughts that are hard as I look forward to January 9, 2010 as then I will stop counting the 9th of every month as a birthday. Then I will begin my count of years. Kinda that same thing for June 27th of next year. It will be at that point I will stop counting the months and count the years too. I am not counting now but if I was he has been gone now for 4 months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 2 hours, and 17 minutes.
The amount of time Ethin has been gone will soon be more than he was alive for. This thought scares me. I hate that in a month he will be gone longer than he was alive. If I was counting his length of life he lived 5 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days. So there will come a time here in a few weeks that he has been gone longer than he was here.
I know I have talked about this a lot lately, but Thanksgiving is on the 26th of the month. How am I supposed to eat turkey and be happy knowing the next day is 5 months since my sweet boy has been gone? Not to mention it would have been his first Thanksgiving and he will not be there!! Oh I HATE this I HATE not having him.
My head has so many thoughts and I just can not even get them out right now, but I thought I would share this poem I wrote the other day when Amelia earned her wings and went to Heaven. I wrote it for my Stef when she posted about Amelia and her Blog title made me write this as I know how very sad we all are over the loss of another child due to CHD's.

RIVER OF TEARS
Tears falling from our faces and forming a river we all have come to know to well.
Our lives are all so connected and this river is proof of the stories we share and tell.
This river flows but many will never have a clue thankfully they will never know
The water in this river gets higher every time our heart family takes a blow.
It may rise do to surgery another day of waiting to read words of a page
When things are bad the storm is hard the river water rages
Some tears that form this river are ones of pure joy
Ones that are happy when our Heart families bring home their girl or boy
But nothing quite compares to the flood that we all feel tonight
As the river rises and our tears we can not fight
Rise river you take theses tears that we all cry
Because you gain tears the most when we all must say goodbye.
Life seems unkind, unjust, and simply not quite fair.
For miles separate so many of us when life seems not to care
We all have found each other and in this river we all wade
We cry as we know a life is gone it is the price paid
A CHD has taken another life to the heavens up above
The river of tears is raging on as another one is gone one we all love.

Jessica Twigg
11-12-09

Thank you for the prayers for Andrew keep praying as we have to wait till tomorrow for results!!!
The Delorey family as Rick is coming home from the hospital on Hospice they are saying about 45 days.

Heart Ball, My family, and me please I need to start to find some peace.

Blessings,

The Storm

So I have written a lot in the last few days. Maybe that is overload for some of you and I am sorry. I just have the urge to write everything down right now. I write when things are to much to bear. When if I do not get it out I feel like I may explode. Clearly that has been a lot lately. I keep wondering why it is so much harder for me right now than it has been, but that seems to be an empty question or a stupid question. So I am here to write again to get it out.
A friend of mine her son Ethan had HLHS and PLE and he would have been 9 years old today. Ethan was a face of HOPE for so many of us. This child with 3 others was the reason Hearts of Hope in MI was started. I talked to Sandy today just to let her know that I am here and I love her. Ethan's birthday today just breaks my heart. He should be here and celebrating with his family and instead we are all missing him and hoping to find ways to console his family. I have known all week that this was approaching. We all Love You and Miss You Ethan you are never far from our hearts.
Well that is just one thing, but the reality is there are so many things I can barely grasp the whole concept! So I made it through Halloween. I made it through the fact that on Monday he would have been 10 months. But now I have Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and then his first birthday. Which is the day of the Heart Ball I planned.
See how the world cruely laughs at me. Why can the holidays just not happen this year? Can' the holidays just go away??? Why can't life just stop for a few months. You know in December too that the amount of time he has been gone will exceed his life? No this can not happen. I can not deal with so much. I want the world to stop.
I had a nightmare the other night about Thanksgiving. I say nightmare as I felt awful when I abruptly woke up with sweat and tears running down my face. My family was all together and laughing and they all kept looking at me and they were angry that I was not laughing. I tried, but I finally exploded screaming at them and crying as I ran out of the house. In my dream I felt like I could not breathe. When I woke up I was shaking and crying. I searched frantically through the blankets for Ethin's monkey and his blanket. I sat with them and cried myself back to sleep. I know I cried as I woke up and today was here.
I keep thinking about the time I spent with God. Trying to hold onto that. Hold onto the fact that Ethin is genuinely well. Hold onto the fact that God loves me. Trying to hold onto all these things is like holding onto a flagpole during a tornado.Next to immpossible. This is all very similar to a Tornado in thinking.
Ethin dying was a tornado in my life. Once things settled he was gone and there is nothing but pure devastation. Instead of rebulding homes I am trying to rebuild life. Instead of calling in a contractor to rebuild my home I am using a counselor to help. Noone after a torndo knows what to say and people in my life are the same way. This was a tornado and I am waiting for the afterwinds to pass. I am standing here looking and I am angry and devastated still to this day that Ethin is gone.
Writing words like this is so hard. I hate hate saying he is gone. But the words He is dead are cruel. Saying he earned his wings is a bit better however that was just not the goal I had for him. Saying he has passed is like wondering if I should have been waving at him through a car window. Moving on some call it, but that feels like he had a bad relationship and was going to the next thing. So you see what is one supposed to stay. Another mother wrote this: "I hate saying he is gone like I have misplaced him I did not misplace him." I can relate to this.
So how am I supposed to do this. How am I supposed to put two feet on the ground and look at the damage and deal with the devastation? I have tried to look in my Bible, I have tried to pray, I have tried to forget. Nothing works it is all still there. I can not forget so that is unrealistic. I feel lost opening my Bible like I am a child opening it for the first time. Praying is a whole chore all its own.
Praying for me used to be so natural. I would even say few times that I prayed rather than I just talked to God. So why is it so hard now? I mean I know that I am angry at times with God, but why can I not just "get over it"? Yep that's right I have just said the very thing that drives me nuts. Get over it. WHACK!!!!!!!!!!! (Reality giving me a high five to the face) Because there is no getting over it. Another vicious cycle in all of this. My son died, I am angry at God, I feel sad, hurt, scared, guilty; I feel all those things, because Ethin is gone. You see how this can all go around and around and eat me alive.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about getting out there and dancing in the rain."
So the tornado already happened. I am in the aftermath the after storm. Ethin I am going to walk in the rain. I can't dance yet, but at least I am walking in the rain. Besides walking in the rain does make it impossible for people to see my tears. My life really is a tornado all it's own. I want to crawl out from the basement and feel the sun shining on my face.
One day I will do this.
Blessings,


P.S. If you have not read the other posts this week go back you may want to read them as this is my forth post this week. Love you all so much

Fears

"When I walk into a room I fear someone will talk about my son....But the bigger fear is that they won't."

FEAR....Boy there certainly have been many. To many really. I am sitting here tonight and am not sure if I want to cry or just sit and watch TV cuddled with Ethin's blanket and monkey. Yes I cuddle with that blue prayer shawl and that monkey we all grew to love seeing him with.
It's a fear for me to cry. I think mostly because I am afraid if I start I might not stop. On Monday night I cried myself to sleep. I tried to stop on my own but with a failed attempt I wok up on Tuesday morning. Sleep has become a constant fear as well. Sometimes I fall asleep and then there Ethin is plain as day doing well and then suddenly it is like watching TV watching the medical staff race in there to him. Fears that bind me and hold me.
I have a Fear of leaving my house. Silly as it seems I am safe in my house no one to judge me or tell me I am wrong for how I feel. And if they do I can ask them to leave. Public places are a fear for me. When I walk into a place I know it is written all over my face that I am in pain. Also even though I live in a very small town I still sometimes get the "Oh Jessica How are you doing and how's the baby?" Ugh.....I put my head down say he died and walk away. So yes my house is a safe place for me!
Fears run deep and I feel them control me and I feel them swallowing me. I am afraid of something happening to my other children. The fear of losing them or having them be gone scares me terribly. When they sleep here I am up constantly to check on them make sure they are breathing. No more playing outside without me anymore. Camping was a great way to hide all that as we slept in the same tent. Yes I am scared of losing them. Losing Ethin made me realize that I was not safe anymore. Bad things can happen.
I live in fear that my J Triplets will not know how very much I love them. That they will not know how much each one of them means to me. They all hold a very special place in my heart. My heart belongs equally to all of 4 of them. Ethin knows how much I love him and miss him. I worry that Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde will not know how much I love and need them.
I have a fear of inanimate objects. The table for example. Not like I think the table will get up and kick my butt, but that it silently is another way that this world is cruel. My table as the years grow is a simple reminder that there will be an empty place at it. Our van Jayde sits in the far back drivers side, Jessa far back passenger side, Jonathin right behind me, and.......Ethin was supposed to be right behind the passenger seat. The van is a cruel reminder that he is not here. I am afraid that I will not be able to see past these things. Not to mention the empty damn crib that I can not take down!!!!!!!!!! Inanimate objects part of my fear.
My friends have fears with me. I have some friends that hope I do not bring up my son. They are afraid to be around me because I might say his name or cry. They fear, because they do not know. But this hurts me to know. I have a fear of being hurt more than I am so this is a bad mix. I do not expect them to know what to say nor do I want them to. Damn though really they are afraid to spend time with me!!!
So that leads to the fear of losing more people in my life. Fear of not living up to every one's expectations of my grief. I can't!!! I can NOT do it! I used to hate the word can't till now. Because I know my grief and fears and guilt make it so I can't do certain things.
The fear of really never being normal again is terrifying. I know I will never be the same, but what if I can not ever function like a normal person.
I have a fear of having more children or the ones I have developing a heart defect. I fear that my SVT will not get better. What am I to do? Fear holding me, strangling me, suffocating who I am.
I fear that I will remain to feel lost among the many. I fear that I will never have the relationship with God that I used to. I do not pray the way I used to. I no longer talk to God at all if I can help it. It makes me cry to walk into my church! Really are you kidding me? But somehow there are times that I really do feel God just holding me. He has not forgotten me and HE is with me. He cries with me and He knows how I feel. So if I feel him and I have seen him why can I not just run to him now?
Ethin's name is still the sweetest sound to my ears! Never is there a time that his name does not make me smile. His name is such a sweet reminder of a warrior that I met. I held an angel. I have kissed the face God. I know that I will hold him again. Not for many years I am sure, but I know I will and until then I know God is holding him and Ethin is happy. Yet I am afraid. I live in fear an all consuming fear that builds in me and spreads like fire.
Fear= False Evidence Appearing Real..........So maybe I can try to have this instead Full Assurance In The Heart. Long shot but I am praying I can do it!

Please continue to pray for the following....
Andrew and his appointment this week, Heart Ball, My family, Leslie and her boys, The Deloreys

Blessings,

Secret Garden

Where are you at in your grief. Has it been years or just weeks since you lost your baby. How are you feeling. How do you hope you will feel in the future. Have you found any peace at all?

It has been just over 4 months since I entered this world known as grief. 4 months ago I became the parent who left the hospital without a baby in her arms. 4 months ago I buried my CHD Warrior. 4 months ago the world lost a warrior and Heaven gained an Angel.
I feel like life is so unfair. I still feel a great deal of guilt and anger. However I am slowly feeling God's arms hold me again. I am also feeling more at peace with Ethin being gone. This does not mean I am all better it just means I am feeling again. Something I would much rather not do. I hope that is not wrong, but not dealing with it is so much easier than facing the treacherous pain of it all.
In the future I hope that when I think of Ethin it will not bring me straight to tears. I hope that I can look back on all of this and know that I did the best I could for him and the J Triplets. Somehow I worry about them in all this and hope that in the future they will be OK too and able to see how amazing their brother really is.
Finding peace is a hard thing in this, but with God on my side I am sure that I will. I hope that I will. I have Faith that God will hold me up. He has this far. My boy is happy and he is OK I know that. He is healthy and I know that. So knowing all that does that qualify as peace or just knowledge of Heaven?
Blessings,
Jessica

Sorry and still sick!

January 9, 2010

VFW Hall
9075 Mason Dr
Newaygo, MI 49337

Doors will open at 4:30pm
A welcome will happen at 5:30pm
Dinner immediately following the welcome 6pm-7pm eat dinner
7pm introduction and about the event
715pm introduction of a speaker
745 faces of CHD video
8pm a formal waltz in memory of Ethin Twigg
805pm a thank you and enjoy the rest of our evening dancing

Dinner will be donated and catered by CSK Catering. There will be things to drink with a tip jug donation.
There will be a silent auction and dancing after the thank you
Tickets are $75 for one or $125 for two please make checks payable for the tickets to Jessica Twigg and in the memo line write Heart Ball
This is a black tie event so dig out your tuxes and formal gowns for a great cause that will help the Hearts of many!!!
All proceeds from this event will be donated to the University of Michigan Mott's Children's Hospital Congenital Heart Center in Memory of Ethin RaiLuc Twigg 1/9/09-6/27/09
R.S.V.P. to Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
616-634-3029
In other news I am still in desperate need of blankets. Our Cuddles From The Heart Program in MI is off to a good start and we have about 210 so we only need about another 90. I think that this is very doable. I also think that if we get more than that would be even better as it would allow the kids and the families to really have a choice. You can mail me your new store bought or homemade blanket to Jessica Twigg 513 Sunset Dr. Newaygo, MI 49337
We will be handing these blankets out in Feb. at Mott's where Ethin spent his life. The comfort of our own blankets during his life was just enough to make the hospital feel more like our home than a hospital. The nurses liked putting them on his bed and I liked knowing there were some areas where comfort was attainable. So let's get these blankets!!!
I also still have Ethin's Bracelets. They are $2 each and I can mail them to you if you mail me the money to the above address also. All the money from these bracelets are funding the heart ball. I am also in desperate need of more pictures for my Faces of CHD video. I need pictures of people and children with CHD's emailed to me at chdhlhs09@yahoo.com with the picture I also need the name of the child and the CHD they have. I also need more CHD Angel pictures with those pictures I need their first name and last name if you wish as well as their birth date, Angel date, and CHD. Spread this around please as I am trying to make this video a good one to show at the heart ball.

Well this week has been rough. I was so sick last week and then I went to the doctor today and I now have bronchitis. I can not win for losing!! I also have had a very rapid heart rate the last few weeks like it ranges from 94-170!!! I have SVT, but lately it is getting much worse. So I also had an EKG done today! It is a good fast rhythm. So I go back in a month to have another EKG and get referred to a cardiologist and possibly start beta blockers. No bueno!!!

On a bright note the weather in Michigan has been amazing!! Not sure how it is that MI weather always seems to just be weird! Needless to say we are all enjoying the weather here is a picture of the J Triplets from this weekend outside in the leaves with our dog Inge. Yes our dog is named after the Detroit Tigers 3rd basemen!

Yep there they are Jessa, Jayde, Jonathin, and Inge. Funny that the only one looking at the camera is our dog!! Oh well I still love the picture!

Well counseling is still going. Not sure all the time that I find it to be much help, but I am doing it. So he diagnosed me with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Well I think I figured that out all on my own! However I guess it is always nice to hear it from a professional that you have a problem! All kidding aside I knew I had it years ago. However going through what I did with Ethin has intensified to the point where it is at now. Sometimes it is bad and other times it is not good, but I am trying to learn to live with it.

So on Monday Ethin would have been 10 months old! I can not believe that he would have been 10 months old or that it was 10 months ago he came blazing intot he world. 10 months ago I heard his sweet cry not knowing that I would never again hear it like that again. 10 months ago I became a heart mom not knowing that it would change my life the way it did. 10 months ago I had no idea that my heart could hurt the way it does. 10 months ago I had no idea that I was looking at the face of God. Looking back now I see many things that I did not know till now. I love you Ethin Forever you are MY Warrior and Angel!

Well so I have discovered this healing thing and grieving thing not so easy! I am starting to find some strength in God though. Just some food for thought that was shared with me. In the Bible when it says God will not give you more than you can handle he was speaking of Temptation not Grief! I am so sick of people telling me this and someone else shared this with me. To often we take the words of the Bible and put them out of context. This is written in Corinthians and if you read then you know that it's speaking of temptation.

Also I have come to realize that God is so patient with me. More patient than so many others. He never asks me not to talk about Ethin or to pretend that it did not happen. However there are people who worry when they are with me because they do not know how to react. So I am slowly going back into my shell it was so much safer there.

Also I want to apologize if it hurt people to read my last post. I know that it is not easy to read about my recollection with Ethin however it is something that from time to time I think about and when I write I write about what is on my mind. I wish I never had to experience that day he died. But I did and so it is something that I shared. I love you all so much and would never want to hurt any of you.

Also I got some more blankets today in the mail 20 to be exact! And a local TV station is going to cover the Heart Ball!!! I encourage you to use the link on the right to hear about it and to visit the Cuddles from the Heart Blog site! Woot Woot!!!

I also wrote a poem the other day and thought I would share it since I have not shared one in a while.

Life comes and life it goes

Tears fall but nobody knows

The hurt that builds deep inside

From all the painful tears I've cried

Walls put up to keep people out

Walls to quiet my screaming shout

Inside I'm dying the blood runs thick

Looking in the mirror makes me sick

The person I've become is pure hell

Crawling back inside my battered shell

Who to trust seems to be the question

I have a huge problem with perception

So in I go and out you stay

I'm content living life at bay

Judge me they all do

Easy to judge when you have no clue

I carry life really well

I look happy from what you can tell

Looks they can be pretty decieving

But it's the reason most are leaving

I have nothing more to give

Please let it go this is my life to live

Live it I will making this Stand

Every now and then though I may need a hand.

Jessica Twigg 11/6/09

Alright I also have a few prayer requests

Andrew for his upcoming appointment

My kids as we are adjusting still

The Heart Ball

The Delorey's as Rick is still in ICU

Ethan Bilpos family as they are having a rough week it would have been his 9th birthday this week

Ethin's godmother Mandy has been sick all week

Blessings and Love,