I have come to realize that while I am getting to experience some "firsts" there are still some first things that start to happen that I am not getting to experience. Weird how that as time has passed I am learning that there are always going to be things that I am missing out on. The big one this fall as school started I had friends that sent there children off to their first day of school. This is something that I had forgotten would come to pass. This is an experience that I have experienced with Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde. It is however an experience that I did not get to go through with Ethin. As I looked at pictures of my friends sending their children off to school a small part of my heart ached as I did not get to send Ethin off to school.
I think the general misconception that I had after that first year was over is that I would finally not have more firsts, but I do. I still have firsts that will not happen. Life has seemed to level out, but there will always be someone missing. As life has continued to move I still think often of Ethin and the life we were supposed to have.
I have also realized that there will never be a good reason that he is gone and I will never stop missing him or wanting him here, but I do know that while the pain is there God will always give me enough Grace to get through it.