Wednesday, August 22, 2012

What Do You Say?

In the last 3 years I have come across many parents that have lost their children now.  parents who are bereaved less time than me and some longer.  I have also seen friends I love dearly lose their children.  Honestly having to bury your own child should be a crime.  While it breaks my heart when I meet any parent who has had to face this awful task I have found in the last three years that is the moms I know personally that hurt the worst for me.
This is not about me and I do not want to sound selfish, but it hurts not just because I remember all to well what it feels like to plan a funeral I never imagined I would, but I feel like I am supposed to know what to say to them and I do not.  I never know what to say to parents who have had to face this awful loss.  As a parent who lost my son I know what not to say, but have difficulty finding the right words to say.  I never know what to say, because really there is nothing I can say that will make it easier.  
This is not just a random thing today.  A friend of mine passed away this week and his funeral is on Saturday.  His name is Jonathan and he had the most infectious smile, gave the best hugs, extremely respectful, and never had a problem expressing himself.  I have bought many of Jessa's clothes from his little sister who also helped raise money for EHSB.  His mother was my boss for 3 years and we have always kept in contact.  I know his whole family, but my heart breaks the most for his mom.  I just can not seem to find the words for her.
I have another friend that lost her young son 2 years ago.  My daughter Jayde and her son Gagge went to school together and I helped her coach his soccer team one season (learned he had a CHD) which is how I met her.  To this day I do not know what to say to her.  She is still very heart broken.  I love her and can not make this better for her.  No amount of conversations will ease the pain.  So what am I supposedd to do for these friends; What Do You Say?
The part of me that wants them to know the truth wants to blurt it out, but that seems harsh.  The part of me that just wants to ease their pain wants to say whatever they need to hear.  Of course I want to tell them how sorry I am that I know the pain, but I do not know their pain exactly.  I so wish that I knew what to say.  I so wish that these things just didn't happen.....


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