Thoughts & The Pictures you all Want!

Well things here do not seem to slow down and to be honest I think that this is where I need it to. I am very emotionally, mentally, and physically drained and exhausted. Most of the time I feel like I am not sure I can take much more. Not sure if I am coming or going, up or down, here or there; I feel so lost in a world that is just still going. My life really did end as I knew it and the world still is going. Getting into the doctors here is like pulling teeth from a crocodile! My new found anxiety since Ethin passed away is getting much worse rather than better. I hate being in public I get totally freaked out and feel like the world is caving in around me. Trying to find a way through it all is not easy. Eating is a whole chore all its own and one that usually leaves me sick. So that is how I am doing there.
Lets see here is some other thoughts. Ethin is so much a part of everything I am still. I see the way he affects lives daily. He is missed so very much. Watching my kids grieve for him is so very hard. Jessa told me on Sunday on our way home that she missed him and she just wished she could have one more minute. It broke my heart. The one thing she wants I can not give her. I can not give Jonathin a brother to show all the boy stuff to, and I can not allow Jayde to be a real big sister. I can not even allow myself to find comfort lately. Ethin passing away really was very life altering. We will never be the same again.
So anyhow as promised here is his headstone..........



And here is a few pics from this weekend....

Here are me and the kids at the QFAD/Hereoes golf outing before lunch started.

This is me with Sgt. James and the poem plaque gave to them.
And here are the kids and I with Sgt. James and the plaque they gave to our family. It reads, "2nd Annual Queen for a Day/Heroes Golf Outing
Twigg Family in recognition of their Strength, Courage, and perseverance throughout this year 2009."
Then it was off to see our Heart Family!!!!
Here are all our kids together-Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde siblings to Heart Angel Ethin, Christian HLHS, Carson and Carlee siblings to Heart Angel Ethan, and Tommy Heart Transplant.
And here are all us moms behind our kiddos!!!
And then of course we needed one of just us Heart moms!!!
There is me mommy to Heart Angel Ethin, Carrie heart mom of Christian, Colleen Heart Mom of Tommy, and Sandy Heart Mom to Heart Angel Ethan. Being with fellow Heart moms for a while was great. And being able to see and talk to Sandy was amazing. She knows how I feel. My friends please pray for her as her Ethan went home a month before my Ethin did. Funny how our kids all had the same thought. Her children Carson and Carlee, and my J Triplets all asked if our Ethan/ins were up there together. If Ethan was watching over Ethin since he was older. And Carlee asked the question I have feared hearing....Is she a Heart Mom? Sandy told her yes I was, it hit me right then though that my heart mommy days are done.....I am not as much a part of that elite group of women like I was. Heart Mom the most amazing title I have ever had I am not sure is rightfully mine any more. I guess I will always be a Heart Mom, but it is different now.
Anyhow I think that about wraps it all up except I gave you all a rest for a few days so here we go!!!!!
Cuddles from the Heart is starting to do better I have 28 blankets now!!! I only need 300 so I am still a ways off, but I have until January 31, 2010 to collect them. These blankets need to be new store bought or homemade blankets for kids from newborn to teenagers. They will be given out to all the children at Mott's Hospital where Ethin was and we are doing this in complete memory of Ethin. You can mail me your blankets to:
Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
Also I need more pics for the CHD video I am making I need pics of CHD babies, adults, or angels. You can email me your pics, CHD, and the name of the person if they are an angel I need the birthdate ad angel date too. Email me at ..........chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
I also have Ethin's bracelets and they are $2 each and all money will benefit the Heart Ball we are putting on. you can mail me the money for them as well.
OK so prayers too....
Peighton is home praise God!!!
Sofi had her biopsy today
Sandy and I as we continue to grieve for our sweet boys, our kids aas they contiue to grieve and adjust to the loss of their brothers.
D as we all know his surgery is approaching

We love you all and many blessings to you, Jessica