Heideman Family Fun

Well blog readers what a week!!! When you think it can not get worse it always does. When you think your at the bottom think again there is always lower!!! Story for another time. Onto my weekend.
The girls cheered another game always fun to watch they all look so cute in their cheer outfits!!! We won and then watched the 5&6th graders and they won their game too. All this leads to high spirits on the way to the big Detroit for my friends son to play football at the halftime of the Lions football game Sunday. And they won too!!! Here are some pics from that....The ride was long and fun but well worth the time with my little brothers if you will...
Here is Gage being a cheeser but darn he is so cute how can you not love him!!! He is Jonathin's car seat as he did not want his he wanted my sons for the trip!! LOL
And when the seating gets cramped there was always the back!!! Hunter playing the computer and opening his new football. This one he is my one that just loves to be with people.
Here I am all chillaxed on the ride down. I was just happy to be with them...The ride was long for 5 boys though!!! OK it was long for me but well worth it and I did not have to drive YEE HAW!!! No more city driving for this country girl!!!
Yep it was a long ride just ask Dakota!!! Poor boy looks like he needs out of the car!!! LOL
This would be Logan in front and Jared looking a lot wide eyed!!! What you took a picture YIKES!!!! LOL And yes in the corner of the upper side we are watching Ice Age 2!!!OK this one needs explanation. We have tunnels in Detroit!!! Here is the thing you have to hold the tunnels up when you go under them hence forth all hands in the air holding up the tunnels yes the driver too...I have to say this was the scariest part of the ride thanks Tom!!!Here is Logan and Gagers on our way to McD's playplace!!!!!

So there was the weekend minus the I got sick on the ride home. Car sick no fun!!! Onto everything else.
I had a rough go so far this week not going into detail, but I do have pneumonia so no fun there!! I had to turn on my furnace too total bummer!!! I miss Ethin more than anything going to start some intense therapy for that. Hot Dog I get to learn how to grieve not something I know how to do or want to do I do not want to accept that Ethin is gone. Reality has hit he is gone I am here without him.
No more words on all that I have 0 energy but here is all the reminders of all the normal stuff and pry a poem the next time I blog......
Cuddles from the Heart is starting to do better I have 28 blankets now!!! I only need 300 so I am still a ways off, but I have until January 31, 2010 to collect them. These blankets need to be new store bought or homemade blankets for kids from newborn to teenagers. They will be given out to all the children at Mott's Hospital where Ethin was and we are doing this in complete memory of Ethin. You can mail me your blankets to:
Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
Also I need more pics for the CHD video I am making I need pics of CHD babies, adults, or angels. You can email me your pics, CHD, and the name of the person if they are an angel I need the birthdate ad angel date too. Email me at ..........chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
I also have Ethin's bracelets and they are $2 each and all money will benefit the Heart Ball we are putting on. you can mail me the money for them as well.
With Love and many blessings, Jessica

The Things I Would Say

Well Sunday is fast approaching and that will be a hard day. In thinking of it I wrote Ethin this letter. I thought I would share though as it is completely my heart.


Ethin if I could hold you one more time there is a lot that I would say to you. I love you so much and I miss you. I will miss you every day. I know that a better place calls to you and son I can not be angry that you want to go there. Ethin you have touched all those who crossed your path. Thousands of people know who are. I promise that I will always keep you alive. I know that you can not physically stay, but you will live on. Punk I love your fight and all that you are. I love your smile and your eyes. I love how every day with you was a gift. So much of life’s lessons you taught. You lived everyday the way we all should. Smiling and lighting up the world. If we all could touch a tenth of the lives you did this world would be a brighter place. I am proud of who you are and ever will be. I have never in my life met anyone like you and I am proud that I was chosen to be your heart mommy. I will always be your mommy. For a while we can not be together and I am sorry for that. I promised I would never leave you and please know that I haven’t. I am with you every day. I know that this seems impossible, but when you left you took a part of my heart with you and now yours is whole. So I am with you. Son you are always with me. You live in me. I am proud of the way you fought and I know you won your fight. I promise that I will keep fighting for your heart brothers and sisters. The way you fought and with such Grace the least I can do is honor that. I also promise that Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde will know of all that you are. They will know of their little brother and the amazing way you lived. They will because of you, know to live every day as a gift. Yes son you were a gift to this world and to our lives. You were and always will be a light in all this dark. Your courage is one to be commended. I know you will not be scared without me. Watch the Tigers from the best seat in the house! Tell your great-grandfathers we love them. Please remember to look both ways up there. Don’t forget to say please and thank you. Smell the flowers I think they are better than the ones here. Let the sun dance across your cheeks and feel its warmth. Look at the stars like we did when you were in my belly. When you do that know I am doing the same and in the suns warmth feel my arms around you. Smile all the time show them what your made of. I know God needed a real angel to brighten his heavens so show him that smile. I Love You Ethin more than anything and I hate that we can not be together like we were, but one day pry only minutes to you and years to me we will be together again I promise. One day you can show me Heaven. You can show me the flowers and the best places to play. One day we will dance again and I will sing in your ear. One day we will be together in Heaven Forever I promise! I love you with all of my heart, Mommy

Thoughts & The Pictures you all Want!

Well things here do not seem to slow down and to be honest I think that this is where I need it to. I am very emotionally, mentally, and physically drained and exhausted. Most of the time I feel like I am not sure I can take much more. Not sure if I am coming or going, up or down, here or there; I feel so lost in a world that is just still going. My life really did end as I knew it and the world still is going. Getting into the doctors here is like pulling teeth from a crocodile! My new found anxiety since Ethin passed away is getting much worse rather than better. I hate being in public I get totally freaked out and feel like the world is caving in around me. Trying to find a way through it all is not easy. Eating is a whole chore all its own and one that usually leaves me sick. So that is how I am doing there.
Lets see here is some other thoughts. Ethin is so much a part of everything I am still. I see the way he affects lives daily. He is missed so very much. Watching my kids grieve for him is so very hard. Jessa told me on Sunday on our way home that she missed him and she just wished she could have one more minute. It broke my heart. The one thing she wants I can not give her. I can not give Jonathin a brother to show all the boy stuff to, and I can not allow Jayde to be a real big sister. I can not even allow myself to find comfort lately. Ethin passing away really was very life altering. We will never be the same again.
So anyhow as promised here is his headstone..........



And here is a few pics from this weekend....

Here are me and the kids at the QFAD/Hereoes golf outing before lunch started.

This is me with Sgt. James and the poem plaque gave to them.
And here are the kids and I with Sgt. James and the plaque they gave to our family. It reads, "2nd Annual Queen for a Day/Heroes Golf Outing
Twigg Family in recognition of their Strength, Courage, and perseverance throughout this year 2009."
Then it was off to see our Heart Family!!!!
Here are all our kids together-Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde siblings to Heart Angel Ethin, Christian HLHS, Carson and Carlee siblings to Heart Angel Ethan, and Tommy Heart Transplant.
And here are all us moms behind our kiddos!!!
And then of course we needed one of just us Heart moms!!!
There is me mommy to Heart Angel Ethin, Carrie heart mom of Christian, Colleen Heart Mom of Tommy, and Sandy Heart Mom to Heart Angel Ethan. Being with fellow Heart moms for a while was great. And being able to see and talk to Sandy was amazing. She knows how I feel. My friends please pray for her as her Ethan went home a month before my Ethin did. Funny how our kids all had the same thought. Her children Carson and Carlee, and my J Triplets all asked if our Ethan/ins were up there together. If Ethan was watching over Ethin since he was older. And Carlee asked the question I have feared hearing....Is she a Heart Mom? Sandy told her yes I was, it hit me right then though that my heart mommy days are done.....I am not as much a part of that elite group of women like I was. Heart Mom the most amazing title I have ever had I am not sure is rightfully mine any more. I guess I will always be a Heart Mom, but it is different now.
Anyhow I think that about wraps it all up except I gave you all a rest for a few days so here we go!!!!!
Cuddles from the Heart is starting to do better I have 28 blankets now!!! I only need 300 so I am still a ways off, but I have until January 31, 2010 to collect them. These blankets need to be new store bought or homemade blankets for kids from newborn to teenagers. They will be given out to all the children at Mott's Hospital where Ethin was and we are doing this in complete memory of Ethin. You can mail me your blankets to:
Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
Also I need more pics for the CHD video I am making I need pics of CHD babies, adults, or angels. You can email me your pics, CHD, and the name of the person if they are an angel I need the birthdate ad angel date too. Email me at ..........chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
I also have Ethin's bracelets and they are $2 each and all money will benefit the Heart Ball we are putting on. you can mail me the money for them as well.
OK so prayers too....
Peighton is home praise God!!!
Sofi had her biopsy today
Sandy and I as we continue to grieve for our sweet boys, our kids aas they contiue to grieve and adjust to the loss of their brothers.
D as we all know his surgery is approaching

We love you all and many blessings to you, Jessica

Phew.........

Well I am for sure not a city slicker!!! YIKES!!!! I do not belong in Detroit! Although the energy is different I was a wreck driving there and am glad to be back home in my little country town. LOL So we arrived in Detroit on Saturday afternoon and checked in the hotel. First thing we did was get our suits and go swimming. Well the J Triplets went swimming I soaked in the hot tub! After the ride there it was very relaxing!!! Then I took the kids to Dave and Busters for dinner. We had fun the food was good, but it is not worth the price. The kids had fun though and that was all that mattered to me. Of course we went back to the pool after dinner and then bed to be well rested for Sunday....At least the kids!!(There was a lot pf noise from the planes)
We got up this morning and went downstairs in our PJ's and had a great breakfast. I still can not believe Jonathin ate that plate sized fluffy waffle!!! THE WHOLE THING!!! He is my growing little man! After that it was back to the room to get ready for the QFAD/HEROES golf outing. I was excited for it, but so nervous. So let me explain this nervous thing..........
Ever since Ethin passed away I have terrible anxiety. I have it all the time everyday. It is however worse in certain situations. It is worse when I am driving, in public, and with large groups. Other things trigger it but it is always there! I have never had to deal with this so it is a very new thing. I also have never in a large group spoke about Ethin to people. Small personal settings yes, but never largely in a group of almost complete strangers. But I know this is what I need to do for the world to know him and for him to continue to make a difference.
So we got ready and back into the van for more city driving HOT DOG!!!! We arrived at Cracklewood Golf Course to find Sgt. James and his wife Stephanie. The only people in the room who were not strangers to me or the J Triplets. Jayde of course went right up to Sgt. JJ. After we said our hellos I talked with Stephanie and just tried to relax. Not an easy task for me these days. Anyhow before I knew it dinner was done and OMG JJ called my name to speak and present my gift to QFAD/HEROES. My gift was the poem that I wrote framed and with the HEROES picture at the bottom of it for them. I made it through, but barely thank God for JJ and Stephanie who got me through it. Then we went through the rest of the lunch. Tons of raffles and the 50/50 when Sgt. James says wait I have one more thing. At that point JJ grabs something and says QFAD/HEROES presents to The Twigg Family this plaque that Reads The Twigg Family in recognition of their strength, courage, and persevereance throughout this year 2009. Of course I was in tears as I stood up to accept the plaque from them. Thank You QFAD/Heroes you are truly amazing and will always hold a special place in our hearts.
After all that it was time to say goodbye and head out to meet our Heart Family. Now for those that are wondering about this I will explain....Heart Family is our family of families that have Heart Kids and are those special people that helped us through and still help us through our trials as being a Heart Family member. Heart Family is the substance of understanding and supporting our trials through this Heart Journey. We are tied to eachother by a bond that is so strong and completely different than anything I have ever seen. My Heart Family is Amazing and I am lucky to have them! Heart Family a family formed by CHD's that never gives up on each other. We are a family through it all!!!
OK so we were metting up with our Heart family which I was really looking forward to as I have missed the Shoemakers so much since Ethin passed away. And I was going to "meet" Sandy a heart mom who had an Ethan that I am sure is taking good care of my Ethin since he was 8 when he went home a month earlier than my Ethin. Sandy and I have chatted a lot online and emailed, but had not actually met just knew of eachother and then able to support one another through our complete heart ache. And to my surprise they brought aother heart mom I had not ever met, but one that knew us. LOL there we were and our kids played together like they had always been around eachother!!! And we Heart Moms we all just chatted it was so nice! And to be honest I feel more comfortable with our Heart Family than anyone else.
Then from there it was back to city driving and then expressways we were homeward bound!!! Oh that city driving made me a wreck, but knowing we were coming home was comforting! Got the kids home and went and got our dog...Thanks Heidemans!!! Got home and can not find my camera!!! I am bummed about that.....Otherwise here is what I how I am feeling after the last 24 hours....
I am emotionally drained, emotionally exhausted, and mentally UGH. I prayed God would get me through the day, I guess I need to be more specific. I need to be like God get me through the day without it feeling like ws jus tin a Triathalon! Really, I get that what he is asking me to do is not meant to be easy, but I wish it was not like this. At what point do I get rest from this, or do I get to at least be OK with this. Oh the day after NEVER.....To top it off my kids are hurting so bad and as much as i have heard people say I wish I could take all your pain away Jessica. The truth is I can not ever have Ethin back therefore I would give anything so my kids did not hurt like this. On top of missing Ethin everyday and crying for him I am asked to endure watching my other children hurt in a way that I wish I never had to see! Trying to explain God's reasoning for things to my children when I have no idea why it is like this is next to immpossible. So doing what I did today stirred a lot of things up for me and for my kids. God just show me how please just show me how.....
I hope I can find my camera so I can post pics from our trip and doings. As soon as I can I will until then Much Love and Heart Hugs......
Jessica

Heroes

Well we are on our way to Detroit today!! Ethin is so evident in our lives. I am missing him a great deal today. I am sure it has to do with knowing what I will do tomorrow. The pain never subsides of him not physically being here. God gives me the strength every day to get up and go on showing me the importance of that!
I wanted to share some thoughts with you on Heroes as the organization we are going to Detroit for is called Queen for a Day and Heroes.
A hero is a man distinguished by exceptional courage and nobility and strength.

We all have heroes in our life. For some of us it is a man who fights for our country, or a policeman, firefighters, medics, or just someone who shows so much strength and courage we are in awe. For me my Hero was and is always Ethin. In 5 1/2 months I watched him fight with a strength that is unknown to me. I watched him with tears as I thought it was unfair he had to endure so much, but the truth was he did it with a smile on his face!!!
Now I say all this as we go down to Detroit to see some friends we made while there. One day they came into the hospital and made the kids and parents feel great. Here is there website http://www.qfad.org/ and this is the one for the Detroit chapter that came while we were there http://www.detroitqfad.com/ Please take the time to see what they do!

Also here is the poem I wrote for them and will be reading and presenting to them tomorrow.


Heroes
C.S. Mott’s Childrens hospital is one I know to well
It’s a place where stories are and families dwell
The halls are filled with people some are happy and some are sad
Some come in and some go, some work hard to make it not as bad
I spent many days there praying by a special boy
Some days were hard but Ethin brought me a lot of joy
Day in and day out some days were all the same
Then one day some very special people came
They wore boas, badges, and uniforms
They had come in to bring a light in the midst of all our storms
Making our children heroes and queens for a day
Giving parents massages for a moment showing us something besides the gray
Laughter that day they filled all the halls
Giving out tiara’s, fire hats, and balls
Some tears that day I know I shed
When I took them to Ethin who was confined to his bed
They stood there listened and talked for a while
A picture was taken everyone wearing a smile
A chief held my hero until the picture was done
His name was Ethin he is my son
Since that day my life has changed in the most drastic way
For Ethin has gone to heaven and on this Earth he could not stay
I wish he was here with us all tonight
But Ethin my warrior, my hero, my son he has won his fight
The men and women who came that day to share there title of hero
They are heroes without that badge or uniform this I know
For they come in and expect nothing in return
The things they go through for these kids there is so much we can learn
Ask them about the kids and families whose paths they cross
Make sure you comfort them when they hurt when our lives face a terrible loss
Let them share with you the smiles that they get to see
And know they are heroes beyond the uniform you all see!
Jessica Twigg 7-13-09

I will blog again pry when we are home thank you for following us here I know it is a change. Read my update from yesterday for all the info I always put in. Also I encourage you to use the links from our blog to our heart family's blogs. Also please spread the word I need CHD Pics for the Faces of CHD video I am making!!!!
Love and Blessings to you all!!!! Jessica

Still Working on It!

Hello Blog Readers,
Well so now that I got this thing in a full swing of knowing how to at least post a blog I will work on trying to get pics and all that stuff. I know I have a new background coming soon thanks to Stef!!! I really would be lost without her!!! LOL
So our week was busy as always with Cheering, kids, school, Ethin stuff, and preparing for the weekend. So this weekend our family was invited to be the guests of honor for the QFAD/Heroes golf outing. Please pray that it does not rain this time. I will be speaking for a brief moment about Ethin and giving these amazing people a gift from our family I am excited. I am also nervous that I may not be able to do it. I am hoping Ethin gives me his strength and grace to get through it. And the kids are excited about staying in the hotel and seeing Sgt. JJ!!! Look out Detroit here we come from little Newaygo!!!! YIKES!!!!!!!!!!
Alright so the Heart Ball is getting there. Waiting to hear about the hall we want. An amazing Organization called Faith's Angels has hopped on board with us. Faith Goodfellow had HLHS like Ethin and passed away also. Her family started Faith's Angels to help raise money for CHD's. I am so excited to have them on board and being able to share this special event between Faith and Ethin as their birthdays are one day apart! So our celebration of Ethin's first year is also a birthday for Faith too! As soon as I have all the details I will post them hopefully within the week!!!
I have Ethin's bracelets and many of them they are still for sale $2 each all money is going to be used for the Heart Ball.
Still in need for blankets. Here is what I need. 300 blankets by Janauary 30, 2010. I need any new store bought blanket or new homemade blanket. The blankets can be the easy fleece tie ones or they can be sewn quilted ones. I need blankets for newborns to Teens. I will be handing these out to the kids at U of M during CHD Awareness week which falls during Valentines day. Mail me your blankets or donation for this project at Jessica Twigg 513 Sunset Dr. Newaygo, MI 49337 email me with any questions concerning the blankets at chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
Lastly I desperately need pictures of People and kids with CHD's for the slideshow I am putting together for the heart ball. You can email them to me with their name and defect. If you send me an angel picture I need their name defect, birthdate and angel date. Please spread the word along of this as I will be collecting these until November 30, 2009. I need as many as I can get to show the world the Faces of CHD's. chdhlhs09@yahoo.com with the need of these pictures anyone that wants may also share this carepage or my email to get them to me.

OK so as I am alive. Most of the time this has become a great answer fo rthe dreaded question how are you doing? It is a true statement without having to lie and ay I am fine when I am not. I am alive and I am breathing I think that is all anyone can ask of me. However I will share that for the first time since Ethin passed away I laughed. I mean I really laughed to the point of my belly hurt and my cheeks still hurt to smile from laughing last night. My friends took me to the local comedy show that was held in Newaygo and we all had fun. When I was laughing I pictured in my head Ethin being happy and laughing at me laughing. Then today I have been in a better mood, but right back to the gloom of life without my son. How does this happen? I am not sure, but one thing I am sure of is God has a plan for this and I am trying to just allow that plan to work in full swing. I prayed too. Weird after almost 3 months on a brink with God, but I am turning around and running back to him, OK maybe not running but in a slow meander; its really all I know that I should do now. Ethin's life is in me and the J Triplets how can I not let that be? So here we go adventures and all finding the truth and reason for things knowing God's plan for Ethin is not done and that it is to TOUCH LIVES!!! I am sure of this even when I am so unsure of everything else. He touched so many lives when he was here and he is still doing it now that he is in us.
Please pray for a safe trip for my family as we venture to Detroit. With much love, Jessica

Let's Try This

Well up until now I have used the carepages website to update on our family and happenings. I started the care page when I had Ethin to keep people up to date on what was going on, but there are so many changes with it that I am finding it hard to include the things I want including pictures.
For those that are new to following our family I am Jessica and I have four amazing children. Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde (Commonly called The J Triplets) all here and mostly heart healthy. Jessa has a murmur but otherwise heart healthy. Then on January 9, 2009 I had Ethin and he was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome commonly known as HLHS. Ethin fought the most courageous battle ever and won HIS fight on June 27, 2009 when he was called to his Heavenly home.
Once Ethin was gone I continued to update our readers on our family and do things to honor his life. I did this also in hopes that people would find us and in some way I could offer hope to them and whatever they may be going through. I also found a sense of relief in continuing to write to the many readers on our page as they were and are a source of strength for me as well. I hope that however this goes that you will read and see the difference that a Heart Warrior made to this world.
Know in following and reading with my family now that not all posts are happy everything is great nor are they full of gloom and despair. The loss of my son has changed everything and every part of who I am or will ever be. Ethin gave me a lot of purpose while he was here and now that he is gone things have changed, but I still have a purpose from him and that is to keep him living in everyone around us!
So here we are blog world.....Blogging....Remembering and honoring Ethin the best way I can. Allowing you all to look into my heart and my life with the The J Triplets as we go on in this life until we are all together with Ethin again!