CUDDLES FROM THE HEART!!!

Funny how life certainly seems to slip by and time is never on my side!  I have needed and wanted to blog now for weeks, but there has been so much going on!  I will start with something I should have blogged about last month, but I totally forgot and so mow here it starts.

Cuddles From the Heart MI is starting to collect blankets for newborn through teenagers!  We give out the blankets in December and we would like to have 500 by then.  We are a bit slow in starting to ask for them as last year we began asking for them at the end of July and it is now mid August. 

Cuddles From the Heart (CFH) started two years ago in Iowa by heart mom Stefanie Jacks.  Last year she opened it up for any state to do.  In June I told her I would like to do it for MI and after Ethin passed away later that month I still said that I wanted to do it!  I am so glad that I did!  It was rewarding and amazing to see how much people truly care about others!  So here we are this year hoping to do the same thing.  Our goal last year was 500 and we did just over that.  Same goal this year 500!!!  We can do this!! 

What we need is new homemade or store bought blankets ranging from newborn to teenagers for boys and girls to give out at U of M Mott Children’s Hospital in December.  The blankets are a very comforting thing to many families while they are in there and sometimes just one blanket can make the hospital feel a little less like the hospital.  Ethin’s Heart Still Beats board members are all ready to go to Ann Arbor in December and as a board we decided that we want to do this so you can mail your blankets to
E.H.S.B
9172 S. Croswell Ave.
Newaygo, MI 49337
If you have any questions you can email me at chdhlhs09@yahoo.com

Alright now onto the life stuff……Wow I still can not believe that I am where I am when I look back to where I was!  So much has happened and so much has gone on that I am not even sure where to start to catch you all up.  I really do need to get better at blogging again I do miss it a great deal.

So very much has been going on it is all a bit overwhelming to me.  I suppose lets go with the good news…..We raised a couple hundred dollars at the EHSB family Fun Day.  We are now planning the Heart ball which is set to take place on January 8, 2010!!!  As an organization we are learning as we go, but so far it has been smooth sailing. 

In other news I am still working two jobs and I absolutely love both of them.  FYI fast food is not as easy as one would think!  And working at the Pub well that is easy, but I am very thankful that it is just one day a week.  Not sure I could handle working in a bar more than one night a week.  I also finally moved back into my very own place.  I am the proud renter of a one bedroom, kitchen, 2 bathroom, and a living room apartment!!!  Yep I am living alone again!!!  What a great step forward in this thing called life!

I am still playing softball and I have all the scars, scabs, and bruises to prove that I am a die hard player!  LOL I have turned into quite the 1st basemen!  I am enjoying playing it keeps my mind busy and off other things.  My dad plays on my team which is great to know that once a week I get to see him and my best friend also plays on my team and I see him a lot, but it is fun to play ball with him as well.

I also started a new hobby.  I like to go Geocaching.  I am maybe addicted to it as I have only been doing it for a week and I can not get enough it!  I have found 11 caches in 1 week and have retrieved 4 travel bugs and a geocoin!  I have also left 9 of the Remember Ethin bracelets in caches.  I will be setting out my own cache here in the next couple of weeks.  I am excited as one is being put out in memory of Ethin and the rest will be for CHD Awareness!!! 

I guess I should start being a little more honest and say that the last few weeks have been very tough and a lot has come up in three weeks that is hard for me to deal with at the age of 27.  I have been diagnosed as hypoglycemic and if I start eating right now than I might not ever get diabetes, but if I do not than I can expect to see my life go that way.  Also I just got done wearing a cardiac event monitor for 2 weeks.  I go to see a cardiologist the first week of September.  They are talking about doing a heart procedure called an oblation through a heart cath.  Wow I guess I just never thought that I would go from being heart mom to angel mom to Heart patient! 

So that is all a bit overwhelming, but all very curable.  Or in the heart issue is very correctable!  Still though a lot to take in for me. 

So my grief……Well I think grief is like a volcano just waiting for an eruption until the big eruption it just oozes out a little lava here and there.  I would be completely lying if I said that I was fine and life was normal, but I would also be lying if I said that life is crappy all the time.

The truth is life is crappy, but not all the time….And the truth is life is not fine and it is not normal like it used to be but it is fine and normal in a new sense.  I miss Ethin a lot and now that I am back to living in my own place by myself it hits me a lot more than it did when I was living with other people.  Somehow I think just knowing that I was not alone made a difference where now I am alone and I know it.  It gives me to much time to think by myself.  

I still struggle every day with this dance I do with my grief.  I am not sure if it is so much that I am dancing with it or seriously trying to dance around it and truly just try to be normal like I used to be and like everyone expects me to be.  The truth is also there is just not time to not try and be what I am expected to be.  And honestly sometimes I wish I could crawl in a hole and just stay there forever without anyone.  I at times wish I would not have gone back to work as it is really hard to work when I am having a bad day or an off day with my grief, but I know in order to be normal I need to do these things.  Besides I really do like my job and the people I work with. 
I am going to try and start blogging a little more and promise to have another blog post this week!!!  I miss you all and your encouragement, blessings, Jessica