Where are you at in your grief. Has it been years or just weeks since you lost your baby. How are you feeling. How do you hope you will feel in the future. Have you found any peace at all?
It has been just over 4 months since I entered this world known as grief. 4 months ago I became the parent who left the hospital without a baby in her arms. 4 months ago I buried my CHD Warrior. 4 months ago the world lost a warrior and Heaven gained an Angel.
I feel like life is so unfair. I still feel a great deal of guilt and anger. However I am slowly feeling God's arms hold me again. I am also feeling more at peace with Ethin being gone. This does not mean I am all better it just means I am feeling again. Something I would much rather not do. I hope that is not wrong, but not dealing with it is so much easier than facing the treacherous pain of it all.
In the future I hope that when I think of Ethin it will not bring me straight to tears. I hope that I can look back on all of this and know that I did the best I could for him and the J Triplets. Somehow I worry about them in all this and hope that in the future they will be OK too and able to see how amazing their brother really is.
Finding peace is a hard thing in this, but with God on my side I am sure that I will. I hope that I will. I have Faith that God will hold me up. He has this far. My boy is happy and he is OK I know that. He is healthy and I know that. So knowing all that does that qualify as peace or just knowledge of Heaven?
Blessings,
Jessica
the iowa state fair
5 years ago
1 comment:
First of all let me tell you how BEAUTIFUL your son is! He was such a doll. Continue to ask God for His strength, comfort, and peace. It will come. It's a slow process (for me it was), but it a process that you you have to take none the less. I am in prayer that you find the comfort and peace you need. The pain will never go away but it will get manageable.
Much Love,
Rachel
Angel mommy to Carly (11.15.07-3.9.08) and Hannah (BD/DD 11.7.08)
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