Blogging or at Least Attempting

So much has been going on and so much has not been going on!  LOL  Sometimes life is such that we think and think and possibly even over think situations.  Me however I analyze it all then give it to God.  It is the waiting on God part that seems to be troubling and hard for me.  However He has not failed me yet so I am trying to just rely on Him to guide a very tough decision.  One that I am not ready to fuly share at this point.  Also I have been thinking about Ethin a whole lot lately.  I am not sure why exactly however I do know that my heart is very broken.  So on with the blogging that I clearly have been failing miserably at these days.
Let's start with if you did not read my previous blog about why CHD Awareness is important I encourage you to do so.  Yes the pictures are hard to look at, but to be honest living it is so much worse.  So for those that were offended I am sorry, but sometimes the truth hurts.  For me the truth is painfully hard and heart breaking.  But I do encourage you to read the previous post if you aev not as THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Next Cuddles From the Heart, MI is starting to collect the 500 blankets needed to hand out in Mott this coming December.  We will be working on boxes and drop off points for MI, but we need to get 500 blankets store bought new, or newly homemade for ages newborn to teens.  These blankets will be given to all the inpatient kiddos at Mott in December.  If you have any questions email me at chdhlhs09@yahoo.com and to send blankets you can mail them to Jessica Twigg 563 Sunset Dr.  Newaygo, MI 49337
So life has been hectic and at times full of tears lately.  I am realizing that life really will never be the same.  I am really starting to face the fact that this is not a dream.  This is very real.  My son died and that is my reality.  The pain hurts and the thoughts come in waves causing a typhoon of emotions.  I have avoided all this for so long and now I can not avoid it it is all very real for me.
About two weeks ago there I was at the cemetery literally huddled over the headstone with Ethin's name on it just screaming and crying.  There was still some snow on the ground and there I was holding that cold granite rock for dear life just screaming into the night.  When my friend arrived she at first just stood there and then knelt down with me and just held me as I held the stone and she let me cry before she finally got me on my feet.  Moments like this are happening more frequently.  My heart really does just ache for him.
I find myself often curled up in my bed holding his things and crying sometimes rocking them.  The tears roll so much more freely now that I am fully leaving myself open to the fact that this is real.  Ethin really is gone and I am really still here without my son.  I find that I think about him so much specially when I see Jonathin.  I just can not help but wonder if Ethin would look like him.  Here is a pic of Jonathin when he was quite young...

And here is one of Ethin

I would say they share some great similarities

On a different note I am still looking for your questions about me or my family to blog them to you.  I had fun with the last one about my J Triplets.  I have one more and plan to blog it on Monday.  I am hoping to do Meet Me Mondays starting this coming Monday.  So email me your personal questions and I will answer them and share them openly and honestly.   

As for the rest of things I am just not able to keep writing right now...Sorry life truly in my head is overwhelming.for me.  I can not always complete thoughts.  Trust me this is frustrating for me too!

Blessings,

Jessica