Phew.........

Well I am for sure not a city slicker!!! YIKES!!!! I do not belong in Detroit! Although the energy is different I was a wreck driving there and am glad to be back home in my little country town. LOL So we arrived in Detroit on Saturday afternoon and checked in the hotel. First thing we did was get our suits and go swimming. Well the J Triplets went swimming I soaked in the hot tub! After the ride there it was very relaxing!!! Then I took the kids to Dave and Busters for dinner. We had fun the food was good, but it is not worth the price. The kids had fun though and that was all that mattered to me. Of course we went back to the pool after dinner and then bed to be well rested for Sunday....At least the kids!!(There was a lot pf noise from the planes)
We got up this morning and went downstairs in our PJ's and had a great breakfast. I still can not believe Jonathin ate that plate sized fluffy waffle!!! THE WHOLE THING!!! He is my growing little man! After that it was back to the room to get ready for the QFAD/HEROES golf outing. I was excited for it, but so nervous. So let me explain this nervous thing..........
Ever since Ethin passed away I have terrible anxiety. I have it all the time everyday. It is however worse in certain situations. It is worse when I am driving, in public, and with large groups. Other things trigger it but it is always there! I have never had to deal with this so it is a very new thing. I also have never in a large group spoke about Ethin to people. Small personal settings yes, but never largely in a group of almost complete strangers. But I know this is what I need to do for the world to know him and for him to continue to make a difference.
So we got ready and back into the van for more city driving HOT DOG!!!! We arrived at Cracklewood Golf Course to find Sgt. James and his wife Stephanie. The only people in the room who were not strangers to me or the J Triplets. Jayde of course went right up to Sgt. JJ. After we said our hellos I talked with Stephanie and just tried to relax. Not an easy task for me these days. Anyhow before I knew it dinner was done and OMG JJ called my name to speak and present my gift to QFAD/HEROES. My gift was the poem that I wrote framed and with the HEROES picture at the bottom of it for them. I made it through, but barely thank God for JJ and Stephanie who got me through it. Then we went through the rest of the lunch. Tons of raffles and the 50/50 when Sgt. James says wait I have one more thing. At that point JJ grabs something and says QFAD/HEROES presents to The Twigg Family this plaque that Reads The Twigg Family in recognition of their strength, courage, and persevereance throughout this year 2009. Of course I was in tears as I stood up to accept the plaque from them. Thank You QFAD/Heroes you are truly amazing and will always hold a special place in our hearts.
After all that it was time to say goodbye and head out to meet our Heart Family. Now for those that are wondering about this I will explain....Heart Family is our family of families that have Heart Kids and are those special people that helped us through and still help us through our trials as being a Heart Family member. Heart Family is the substance of understanding and supporting our trials through this Heart Journey. We are tied to eachother by a bond that is so strong and completely different than anything I have ever seen. My Heart Family is Amazing and I am lucky to have them! Heart Family a family formed by CHD's that never gives up on each other. We are a family through it all!!!
OK so we were metting up with our Heart family which I was really looking forward to as I have missed the Shoemakers so much since Ethin passed away. And I was going to "meet" Sandy a heart mom who had an Ethan that I am sure is taking good care of my Ethin since he was 8 when he went home a month earlier than my Ethin. Sandy and I have chatted a lot online and emailed, but had not actually met just knew of eachother and then able to support one another through our complete heart ache. And to my surprise they brought aother heart mom I had not ever met, but one that knew us. LOL there we were and our kids played together like they had always been around eachother!!! And we Heart Moms we all just chatted it was so nice! And to be honest I feel more comfortable with our Heart Family than anyone else.
Then from there it was back to city driving and then expressways we were homeward bound!!! Oh that city driving made me a wreck, but knowing we were coming home was comforting! Got the kids home and went and got our dog...Thanks Heidemans!!! Got home and can not find my camera!!! I am bummed about that.....Otherwise here is what I how I am feeling after the last 24 hours....
I am emotionally drained, emotionally exhausted, and mentally UGH. I prayed God would get me through the day, I guess I need to be more specific. I need to be like God get me through the day without it feeling like ws jus tin a Triathalon! Really, I get that what he is asking me to do is not meant to be easy, but I wish it was not like this. At what point do I get rest from this, or do I get to at least be OK with this. Oh the day after NEVER.....To top it off my kids are hurting so bad and as much as i have heard people say I wish I could take all your pain away Jessica. The truth is I can not ever have Ethin back therefore I would give anything so my kids did not hurt like this. On top of missing Ethin everyday and crying for him I am asked to endure watching my other children hurt in a way that I wish I never had to see! Trying to explain God's reasoning for things to my children when I have no idea why it is like this is next to immpossible. So doing what I did today stirred a lot of things up for me and for my kids. God just show me how please just show me how.....
I hope I can find my camera so I can post pics from our trip and doings. As soon as I can I will until then Much Love and Heart Hugs......
Jessica