Thursday, October 29, 2009

Life with Lemons

January 9, 2010

VFW Hall
9075 Mason Dr
Newaygo, MI 49337

Doors will open at 4:30pm
A welcome will happen at 5:30pm
Dinner immediately following the welcome 6pm-7pm eat dinner
7pm introduction and about the event
715pm introduction of a speaker
745 faces of CHD video
8pm a formal waltz in memory of Ethin Twigg
805pm a thank you and enjoy the rest of our evening dancing

Dinner will be donated and catered by CSK Catering. There will be things to drink with a tip jug donation.
There will be a silent auction and dancing after the thank you
Tickets are $75 for one or $125 for two please make checks payable for the tickets to Jessica Twigg and in the memo line write Heart Ball
This is a black tie event so dig out your tuxes and formal gowns for a great cause that will help the Hearts of many!!!
All proceeds from this event will be donated to the University of Michigan Mott's Children's Hospital Congenital Heart Center in Memory of Ethin RaiLuc Twigg 1/9/09-6/27/09
R.S.V.P. to Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
616-634-3029
In other news I am still in desperate need of blankets. Our Cuddles From The Heart Program in MI is off to a good start and we have about 210 so we only need about another 90. I think that this is very doable. I also think that if we get more than that would be even better as it would allow the kids and the families to really have a choice. You can mail me your new store bought or homemade blanket to Jessica Twigg 513 Sunset Dr. Newaygo, MI 49337
We will be handing these blankets out in Feb. at Mott's where Ethin spent his life. The comfort of our own blankets during his life was just enough to make the hospital feel more like our home than a hospital. The nurses liked putting them on his bed and I liked knowing there were some areas where comfort was attainable. So let's get these blankets!!!
I also still have Ethin's Bracelets. They are $2 each and I can mail them to you if you mail me the money to the above address also. All the money from these bracelets are funding the heart ball. I am also in desperate need of more pictures for my Faces of CHD video. I need pictures of people and children with CHD's emailed to me at chdhlhs09@yahoo.com with the picture I also need the name of the child and the CHD they have. I also need more CHD Angel pictures with those pictures I need their first name and last name if you wish as well as their birth date, Angel date, and CHD. Spread this around please as I am trying to make this video a good one to show at the heart ball.

Alright so needless to say after the amazing weekend I guess I deserved a not so great week; and it's only Wednesday. So I have come to realize that life will always give you lemons no matter what. However I do not want a bushel of them!!! I can not handle a half bushel, but somehow lemons continue to pour out at me. I do not even like lemons in water or tea. So what do I do about the lemons? Give them to God I have nothing else to do with them.

So Monday I went to court because my ex husband took me to court after I brought the kids back late this summer from the QFAD/Heroes Golf Outing. Court was well not good to say the least. However it could have been worse right?

Tuesday was 4 months to the day that Ethin earned his wings. So it was in general just a bad day for what it was. A lemon day...However on Tuesday I did get 18 more blankets for the Cuddles from the Heart program. This I am sure is no coincidence as I believe there are coincidences with God. I feel this was a great way to show me Ethin really is living in us still. He is still working his magic!

Wednesday I had to go back to court with my ex husband to get more time with my kids. This was a lemon day and a lemon turn out. I only get to see them two hours a week till December. Are you kidding me??? My son died in June and now I get 2 hours a week with the J Triplets? I am in no way OK with this, but I know God has a plan and I will give him these lemons too.

Then I also decided that it was a good day to carve Ethin's pumpkin and take it to the cemetery. Which I did here is a picture...

I decided that carving the word HOPE was great idea for Ethin's first Halloween. Happy Halloween Punk I love you!!!

So then I was on my home from the cemetery when I realize that Deer are not God's Peaceful creatures frolicking in the woods they are rather Suicidal Street runners sent here to give me yet another lemon. Yes folks I live in Michigan and after 26 years I hit my first deer. God you can have this lemon however I am keeping the meat!!!

Yep I loaded that dead deer into my van posed for a pic. Leslie just could not miss the photo op! At least I have some good meat for a while. However who is available to gut a deer at 9pm?? Thank you Tom Heideman for the help with that one. Then I wok up this morning and wow I think hitting that deer was more like 10 lemons......Giving them all to God.....Here is my very damaged vehicle!

Yep the drivers side of my van looks like an accordion. Then it was off to go get my deer processed. Well that is taken care of and now I am awaiting an estimate for the cost to fix my van from the suicidal deer. I am not looking forward to that. Note to self I need more than PLPD living in MI where God's creatures walk the street and run into your cars!!!!

So I woke up this morning knowing all the lemons I have got I gave them to God. I also realized that this is not the life I ordered. However when I called to put in a new order I was told that this was the life I given and there is a plan for it. Well God if your reading this I think I gave you enough lemons that maybe you could send me some lemonade???

So folks here it is Life has Lemons give them to God....Maybe eventually he will send you lemonade at least that is what I keep telling myself!

Please continue to pray for the following

Heart Ball

Delorey's Rick was admitted to the hospital last night with clots in his lungs

Pastors for a safe trip home from Israel for one and for the father of my other one

My children and I in general

I almost forgot I got this today in my email Ethin's block for the CHD quilt is done!


Blessings, Love, and Heart Hugs,



Monday, October 26, 2009

Amazing Weekend!

January 9, 2010
VFW Hall
9075 Mason Dr
Newaygo, MI 49337

Doors will open at 4:30pm
A welcome will happen at 5:30pm
Dinner immediately following the welcome 6pm-7pm eat dinner
7pm introduction and about the event
715pm introduction of a speaker
745 faces of CHD video
8pm a formal waltz in memory of Ethin Twigg
805pm a thank you and enjoy the rest of our evening dancing

Dinner will be donated and catered by CSK Catering. There will be things to drink with a tip jug donation.
There will be a silent auction and dancing after the thank you
Tickets are $75 for one or $125 for two please make checks payable for the tickets to Jessica Twigg and in the memo line write Heart Ball
This is a black tie event so dig out your tuxes and formal gowns for a great cause that will help the Hearts of many!!!
All proceeds from this event will be donated to the University of Michigan Mott's Children's Hospital Congenital Heart Center in Memory of Ethin RaiLuc Twigg 1/9/09-6/27/09
R.S.V.P. to Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
616-634-3029

In other news I am still in desperate need of blankets. Our Cuddles From The Heart Program in MI is off to a good start and we have about 210 so we only need about another 90. I think that this is very doable. I also think that if we get more than that would be even better as it would allow the kids and the families to really have a choice. You can mail me your new store bought or homemade blanket to Jessica Twigg 513 Sunset Dr. Newaygo, MI 49337
We will be handing these blankets out in Feb. at Mott's where Ethin spent his life. The comfort of our own blankets during his life was just enough to make the hospital feel more like our home than a hospital. The nurses liked putting them on his bed and I liked knowing there were some areas where comfort was attainable. So let's get these blankets!!!
I also still have Ethin's Bracelets. They are $2 each and I can mail them to you if you mail me the money to the above address also. All the money from these bracelets are funding the heart ball. I am also in desperate need of more pictures for my Faces of CHD video. I need pictures of people and children with CHD's emailed to me at chdhlhs09@yahoo.com with the picture I also need the name of the child and the CHD they have. I also need more CHD Angel pictures with those pictures I need their firt name and last name if you wish as well as their birthdate, Angel date, and CHD. Spread this around please as I am trying to make this video a good one to show at the heart ball.

Well the weekend was long and exhausting however there is much to tell as the week last week was all about Jonathin and lots has happened. Last Thursday someone very close to me gave me a gift that I have wanted for some time. I had expressed many times that I wanted a tattoo for Ethin on my left shoulder and so here is a picture of that tattoo that I am so happy with and thrilled that I finally got....

So that is all for last week....Then on this past Friday after my counseling appointment I left for my long weekend of many things to do. On Friday I went and seen a family I had met at the hospital. Rick and Angel gave birth to Hayden early and were at U of M while we were there. We quickly became friends. They went home the day before Ethin passed away and they were at the funeral. About 2 months ago I got a call that Rick was diagnosed with terminal cancer. This was the first chance I had to go over and see them. We had a great time together. Hayden is so big and Rick looks great and Angel is holding up well. Not to mention he does tattoos and so he gave me one for the J Triplets Here it is.........
Then Saturday I woke up and trekked my way to Mott hospital to meet with Dr. Russell and drop stuff off there that he and another doctor had requested. While I was there I was able to see a few people there that had taken care of Ethin and as always was a great visit. Dr. Russell showed up and I gave him 4 of the posters for the Ball and the 100 bracelets that he bought. We talked for a bit and he asked me who I wanted to speak at the ball I told him and he said he would ask that doctor....There is more to this story but I want to go in order. I said goodbye to Dr. Russell and a family that was inpatient that I was friends with and headed to Detroit.....
Ok so maybe not etroit but the "Burbs" as JJ informs me all the time. Traffic in the city to me is like trying to drive the farm truck in the pasture around the cows!!! YIKES!!!!
I got the National Make a Difference Day event in Detroit that volunteered to make blankets for the cuddles from the Heart program!!! I got there and I was immediately in tears when I seen the 175 blankets that they had made for this project. It had to be one of the most amazing things for me as we were loading my van and I was standing at the back of my van looking to the front as I was loading them and there was my picture of Ethin looking at me. The picture of him that says With God all things are possible. There was Ethin reminding me that when I though this would not be done God would show me a way. Also a gentle emotional reminder that Ethin is still touching lives!!! Also that people really do love and give with unselfish wantings! God is good and everything will work out.
Once my van was loaded it was back to "Burb" driving. I set the GPS and was on my way to meet up with my friend Stephanie to have a fun time before Sunday. I met up with her and she took me to the movies. Paranormal activity to be exact!! Note to Self NEVR let Steph pick the movie ever again!!! YIKES!!!! Do not watch this movie is my complete recommendation. After the movies went and got nachos then back to her house to just chill for the rest of the night and visit with her husband too and SLEEP!!!!
Sunday came way to quick but I woke up to Dunkin Doughnuts coffe and brakfast sandwich!! Man we need one of those in Newaygo! Mmmmm thanks Jeremy!!! Got ready for my day and spent some time with their kids and visited with them as I rearranged my van so I could see out my windows. A hard thing with that many blankets in boxes so I had to eliminate the top layer of boxes so I could see!!! Then it was goodbyes and hugs and I was off to spend the day with Heart Family....Those who wonder what this is see definition on the side bar.
Hearts of Hope had a big Heart Family get together!!! It was a Fall Festival filled with Heart Family and friends that I would not trade for the world! I picked out a pumpkin to carve for Ethin. Had lunch and got a bit lost in the corn maze with the Bilpos. Shoulda followed Wayne he made it through but he cheated!! Sat by the bonfire and had great fellowship with so many. Met Heart Family that I only knew through blogs and face book. Seeing them in person is so different. The day was great. I got to see the Butchers, Bilpos, Larrisons, Blacks, Husteds, Lays, Shoemakers, Deans, Lanhams, oh the list goes on!!! I also got to meet Lauren and the Valaseks. At the event I also had 2 heart moms give me some blankets. At the end of the day when I left the East side of the state I had 180 blankets total for the Cuddles from the Hart program. Thats right 180 when I left in my van!!! There were blankets from the floor to the top of the seats!!!
So homeward bound with the blankets and the GPS telling me where to go. This was great I thought until I realized the GPS had me lost!!! Well I pulled over to reset the GPS in a church parking lot and the sign I stopped in front of said "Single Parent Parking" LOL Wow that is awesome!! I eventually was well on my way to home. Part way home I had to stop at a rest stop and what I found there was more than I could handle!! I walked into the womens bathroom and turned to go in the first stall to find a mens yernel!!! Oh no I went into the wrong bathroom and I was desperately trying to figure out how I was going to get out unnoticed when I realize I am surrounded by women!!! OK really this is weird. I just laughed I have no idea why there was a yernel in the ladies room, but I do find it humorous.
I got home just before 8pm. I now had the task of bringing the blankets in from my car. My storage area is in Jonathin's room on his top bunk bed. There are blankets from the top pf the bunk bed to the ceiling in our home as well as 9 boxes full of blankets and 4 big bags full of blankets and a total count of 210 blankets!!!! Unloading the van was exhausting.
After all that I got online and emailed Dr. Russel a letter to the doctor who I wanted to speak about the hospital and about Ethin at the Heart Ball. I woke up this morning to find an email from that doctor I wanted to speak and he said yes he would be honored!!! So drumroll please..... It is my complete honor to announce that Dr. Bryan Goldstein from U of M Mott Pediatric Cardiology will be at the Heart Ball and speaking!!! Dr. Goldstein is in his 3rd year of fellowship and was amazing with Ethin and our family. He really was Ethin's buddy and pry our favorite doctor. He was the doctor who was there for everything from the time he was born until his last on Earth. I could not be happier that he will be there to speak!
I encourage you all to check the website for the Heart Ball there is a link on the right hand side of the blog. I also want to thank everyone for everything that you ahve done for our family. Thank you for the prayers and the encouragement I love you all so much!

Please pray for the Delorey family
My pastors
Drake a HLHS baby in the hospital
D as he recovers from a brief hospital stay
Wyatt as he recovers from a slight illness
Krissy who is sick and missed the H of H event
The Heart Ball
and my children as we continue to adjust

With Heart Hugs, Blessings, and Love,

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Happy Birthday Jonathin

January 9, 2010
VFW Hall
9075 Mason Dr
Newaygo, MI 49337

Doors will open at 4:30pm
A welcome will happen at 5:30pm
Dinner immediately following the welcome 6pm-7pm eat dinner
7pm introduction and about the event
715pm introduction of a speaker
745 faces of CHD video
8pm a formal waltz in memory of Ethin Twigg
805pm a thank you and enjoy the rest of our evening dancing

Dinner will be donated and catered by CSK Catering. There will be things to drink with a tip jug donation.
There will be a silent auction and dancing after the thank you
Tickets are $75 for one or $125 for two please make checks payable for the tickets to Jessica Twigg and in the memo line write Heart Ball
This is a black tie event so dig out your tuxes and formal gowns for a great cause that will help the Hearts of many!!!
All proceeds from this event will be donated to the University of Michigan Mott's Children's Hospital Congenital Heart Center in Memory of Ethin RaiLuc Twigg 1/9/09-6/27/09
R.S.V.P. to Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
616-634-3029

Wow God has been amazing through the process of setting this up. I feel so blessed that Ethin's first Birthday will be a huge celebration doing what he did best....TOUCH THE LIVES of OTHERS!!! I am excited to see if this will turn out the way I think it will. My goal is to sell 100 tickets but I have enough room to seat many more than that!!! Lets see how this goes!!!
In other news I am still in desperate need of blankets. Our Cuddles From The Heart Program in MI is off to a good start and we have about 30 so we only need about another 270. I think that this is very doable. You can mail me your new store bought or homemade blanket to Jessica Twigg 513 Sunset Dr. Newaygo, MI 49337
We will be handing these blankets out in Feb. at Mott's where Ethin spent his life. The comfort of our own blankets during his life was just enough to make the hospital feel more like our home than a hospital. The nurses liked putting them on his bed and I liked knowing there were some areas where comfort was attainable. So let's get these blankets!!! If that is not enough to motivate you October 24th is National Make a Difference Day and you can make the difference by mailing me a blanket for the kids at the hospital I need them for Newborn to teens although I am sure in the area of older kids I will fall short. Thanks ahead of time.
I also still have Ethin's Bracelets. They are $2 each and I can mail them to you if you mail me the money to the above address also. All the money from these bracelets are funding the heart ball. I am also in desperate need of more pictures for my Faces of CHD video. I need pictures of people and children with CHD's emailed to me at chdhlhs09@yahoo.com with the picture I also need the name of the child and the CHD they have. I also need more CHD Angel pictures with those pictures I need their firt name and last name if you wish as well as their birthdate, Angel date, and CHD. Spread this around please as I am trying to make this video a good one to show at the heart ball.

Onto the rest of everything else......

As much as you are all curious about things I really just want to share Jonathin with you......

Happy Birthday Little Man Mommy Loves You!!! Please enjoy........

Jonathin Mikeal was born to me 7 years ago today! I can hardly believe he is 7. I had to have an emergency c-section with him. From the beginning he was always just like me! He was just very set he was not coming out without a fight. Then he was here. My first memory of Jonathin is his foot plastered against the incubator across the OR and it was a BIG FOOT!!!! Then they brought him to me......I can not say it was love at first sight. Jonathin had went through 23 hours of hard labor with no success, he was bruised from trying to come out, he was a bit jaundice; Alright so you add all this up and you have a yellowish, purply, bruised, very cone headed huge baby!!! So I actually did ask if it was really mine after I seen him. Within days he started to look normal! I loved him and come to find out there was good reason he could not come out. Jonathin weighed 9lbs 14oz and he was 22 1/2in long. I gave birth to toddler! Here is a picture of Jonathin when he was about 8 months old.....

Jonathin is my first boy. When I had Jessa I wanted a boy so bad that when I had Jonathin I felt so complete that I had the best of both worlds. I also was very scared. I was so afraid I would not be able to love Jonathin because I could not imagine loving anyone as much as I loved Jessa. Then I held Jonathin in my arms for the first time and knew my heart could love them both very much. I brought Jonathin home from the hospital in a 0-3 month outfit and size 1 tennis shoes!! He was huge.

Jessa loved being a big sister and I loved watching them together. The bond the two of them shared from the start was amazing and one that I had hoped for when I found out I was having Jonathin. She clearly just loved him and he just let her do that. Here they are Jonathin is barely a month old and Jessa just loves him! This was their first holiday photo!

Jonathin grew fast and way above the average! Jonathin was a good baby who was gentle and rarely cried. He brought much joy into my life and still does to this day. I have watched him grow into a very handsome little man. He has always been my little man from the time he was born and even now i call him that. He has a smile that looks innocent and eyes that beam! His dimples will get you every time! Jonathin is at times a handful in comparison to the girls. He is full of energy and when that energy bounces out stand back and watch him just let loose. He is overly friendly. I think he gets that from me as well. This is Jonathin when he was about 4 1/2 maybe 5 years old

Jonathin and I have a very close and have a loving relationship. He and I are very connected. I love the way we are together. Jonathin brings out the goofy parts of me. He keeps me young. His heart amazes me! I love his heart. He is a lover and he loves people and helping. I think he gets that from me too! Here are a few more pics of Jonathin and me and some words for him that I want to share with you!

Jonathin you never cease to amaze me with your curiosity and your thrive to live, I love your hugs and kisses. I love that you like to cuddle down. I think that you get that cuddly thing from me! I love your dimples which I know I gave to you and I love that you are truly happy just doing nothing most of the time. I like to hear your laugh ring through the house. It is truly contagious and it makes me laugh too. I remember it like yesterday holding you for the first time in my arms. Looking down and seeing you open your eyes and snuggling right back into me. I remember thinking that you were stubborn about coming into the world and it was then I knew you were truly mine. When I was a kid my parents would tell me they hoped I had a child just like me.....Son you are that child! You are just like me and people say things to me and I know that is who I am and then I see you and know you are much of that too. I love that I have a child like me. I love that I have you and you get things from me. These are things we share; You are not stubborn you are simply independent and you think for yourself! You are not great you are amazing and will do amazing things! You are a not a fighter you are a lover but I know you will fight for the ones you love. (No more pushing kids for being mean to your sisters!) You are caring and kind to all who cross your path. You are seven today and have so much heart! Jonathin I am proud of you and I am proud that you are my son. One day I hope to share these words with you so you will know just how important you are to me. I can tell you my life would not be the same without you. I would not smile as much if it were not for you! Jonathin I have so many dreams for you and my aspirations for you are high. I set them high because son I know you will do it!!! You will accomplish great things. And Baby yes I called you baby you will also always be my baby never forget that! I will be with you every step of the way. I will be with you through it all. When you get bigger and kids pick on you come home I am here. When you get bad grades come home and I will work with you. When some girl breaks your heart I will do my best to kiss that away too. I will be with you through the good and the bad you are my son and my love for you is never ending and unconditional. Always remember that it is unconditional I will always love you no matter what. Jonathin today you are seven, All I can think is wow how time has flown by!!! Also remember that you will never leave the house or go to bed without telling me goodnight!!! LOL I love our good night time and I treasure it! Joanthin you are a light shine bright today is your day! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITLLE MAN, Love Mommy

Prayers please for the following:

My friend Leslie and her boys

The Heart Ball

Heart Families that will be traveling this weekend to the Hearts of Hope event

Wyatt who has been sick

I will be traveling all weekend and will not be home please pray for a safe trip for me and I will blog when I get back until then Blessings and Heart Hugs,



Saturday, October 17, 2009

Heart Ball and advice after a comment

January 9, 2010
VFW Hall
9075 Mason Dr
Newaygo, MI 49337

Doors will open at 4:30pm
A welcome will happen at 5:30pm
Dinner immediately following the welcome 6pm-7pm eat dinner
7pm introduction and about the event
715pm introduction of a speaker
745 faces of CHD video
8pm a formal waltz in memory of Ethin Twigg
805pm a thank you and enjoy the rest of our evening dancing

Dinner will be donated and catered by CSK Catering dinner will be served with one glass of wine. There will be other things to drink with a tip jug donation.
There will be a silent auction and dancing after the thank you
Tickets are $75 for one or $125 for two please make checks payable for the tickets to Jessica Twigg and in the memo line write Heart Ball
This is a black tie event so dig out your tuxes and formal gowns for a great cause that will help the Hearts of many!!!
All proceeds from this event will be donated to the University of Michigan Mott's Children's Hospital Congenital Heart Center in Memory of Ethin RaiLuc Twigg 1/9/09-6/27/09
R.S.V.P. to Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
616-634-3029

Wow God has been amazing through the process of setting this up. I feel so blessed that Ethin's first Birthday will be a huge celebration doing what he did best....TOUCH THE LIVES of OTHERS!!! I am excited to see if this will turn out the way I think it will. My goal is to sell 100 tickets but I have enough room to seat many more than that!!! Lets see how this goes!!!
In other news I am still in desperate need of blankets. Our Cuddles From The Heart Program in MI is off to a good start and we have about 30 so we only need about another 270. I think that this is very doable. You can mail me your new store bought or homemade blanket to Jessica Twigg 513 Sunset Dr. Newaygo, MI 49337
We will be handing these blankets out in Feb. at Mott's where Ethin spent his life. The comfort of our own blankets during his life was just enough to make the hospital feel more like our home than a hospital. The nurses liked putting them on his bed and I liked knowing there were some areas where comfort was attainable. So let's get these blankets!!! If that is not enough to motivate you October 24th is National Make a Difference Day and you can make the difference by mailing me a blanket for the kids at the hospital I need them for Newborn to teens although I am sure in the area of older kids I will fall short. Thanks ahead of time.
I also still have Ethin's Bracelets. They are $2 each and I can mail them to you if you mail me the money to the above address also. All the money from these bracelets are funding the heart ball.

Alright so in doing this carepage and blog I have come to see many things. People care and some people will be sure to point out the negatives in this journey. There are good things yes, but their are some things that are sad and hard but this is my journey this is the life I am living and yes it is good that I have Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde but it is hard that I do not have Ethin. I have not asked anyone to follow this tragic journey. I love that you have chosen to and it makes a difference to know you care, but what I can not have is negative comments like this one
Posted 1 day ago
by Name Removed
One day you will look back in sorrow for losing your other children while in your fog. They are there now, Ethin is not, so please take care of yourself for them and for Ethin. Imagine him looking down on you and seeing you this way and his brother and sisters suffering.
Live for Ethin, don't die along with him. It is too painful to read the blog now and you may be driving others away. Just a thought

I can see where this comment came from but I can also see where this comment is one that maybe should have not been left privately let alone in a public way. I am in a fog one that no one would understand unless they have shared this fog and I hope that is not the case I do not want you to know because it hurts. I know Ethin is not here and I do not need that to be stated I know that the J Triplets are, but it is not as easy as you may think it is. It is hard to have something so precious ripped away from you. I clearly am doing the best I can I coach my kids and I love them very much my last blog the one this comment was left on was all about them! I do not need anyone to point out that our family is suffering we really are doing the best we can and with God's Grace we have come this far mind you it has not even been 4 months! Also I do not need to be reminded how disappointed Ethin is in me and my foggy suffering. I am sorry I can not just wake up and not be sad anymore. I also am sorry my kids hurt and miss their brother too I wish I could take all that pain away from them. I understand that it may be hard to read, and I am sorry, but at least I am honest with myself and all of you. If you can no longer read I understand that the whole journey was not an easy one to read. From start to now it has been rocky and never easy to live. I live it I have no choice, I write it as a way to let myself feel and to allow myself to deal with it and open up I choose to do that, Readers read as a choice. It was not my choice to have to go through this it is however every ones choice to follow. Again I thank you for following and encouraging. I thank you for the concern and the many prayers. I thank you for loving me and supporting me. But remember that your words can hurt just as much as they give me strength, courage, and hope. Everyone's comments 99.9% of the time give me a sense of love and comfort. Also I thought I might share this. It was sent to me by another Heart Mom a week ago and I think it is a good thing to share with all of you. Thank you Stephanie for sending this to me to share.....

DO: accept the simple fact that it is not possible for you to say things that will make the bereaved parent feel better. This acceptance will enable you to stop when you become tempted to utter clichés that you have heard all of your life that are intended to comfort, but in reality they don't accomplish this. Do know that when you make the initial call, the bereaved parent does not expect you to be able to take their hurt away, or to fully understand the depth of their despair and pain.

DON'T: say "I know how you feel" unless you, yourself, have experienced the loss of a child. Though it is possible for you to empathize with them, the death of their child cannot be compared to the loss of your parents, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, grandfather, grandmother or dog. This is not to say you haven't experienced pain with these losses, but they are different losses. Bereaved parents have trouble accepting "I know how you feel" from anyone other than
another bereaved parent.

DO: feel free to touch them, to hug and cry with them if these expressions are appropriate to your relationship with the parent. Tell them that you care about their pain and that you are sorry their child died. A simple hug can say more than a thousand words.

DON'T: think you are complimenting them by telling them "how well" they're doing a few months down the road. They're not doing well. Their child has died and inside they feel they are dying too. You would feel the same if it were your child. You may feel more comfortable dealing with them if they're "doing well", but trying to rush them through the grief process doesn't work and it angers them to sense that you don't understand their pain, the length and depth
of it, and are expecting more from them then they're capable of early in their grief.

DO: tell them that you don't understand the WHY of it either. Those "Why's" especially the unanswerable ones, are difficult for many parents to deal with. They need to be able to ask WHY, and to have time to accept there might never be an answer.

DON'T: impose "shoulds" or "should nots". There are no rules and regulations, nor are there right and wrong ways to grieve. There is your way and my way, and though they may be totally different, neither is wrong. Society, over the years has tried to impose its own rules, rules often drawn to make it easier for society to cope with the threat of someone else's loss. You may think you know exactly how you would react if your child should die, but you would
be amazed to find that the rules that once seemed so appropriate no longer apply. There are as many ways of expressing grief as there are people expressing it..

DO: mention their child by name. It is comforting for bereaved parents to know that others remember their child, too. Some people avoid mentioning the child's name for fear it will remind the parent of their loss. For a long time the parents can think of nothing but their loss, so that shouldn't be a worry for you. If tears come, then they needed to cry, and the tears may be tears of gratitude that you have given them the opportunity to share their child with you. If you have a good memory of their child, share it. It will make their day. A parent's greatest fear is that no one will remember their child, and if the child's name is never mentioned, or the subject avoided, it is a natural conclusion. Why should you , whose children are alive, have the right to reminisce about the past, while those, whose child is dead, are denied that right? Memories are all that parents have left and those memories did not die with their child.

DON'T: turn away if you unexpectedly come upon the parents. Most parents are aware you have chosen not to "see" them. Can you imagine going to the grocery store, as painful as that already is, and having several people pretend they don't see you? Can you imagine how distressing this would be? Why not, instead, approach them
openly, tell them that you have been thinking of them and ask them how they are doing. Acknowledge their loss, don't pretend it didn't happen

DO: reassure the parents they did everything they could for their child, both emotionally and medically. Many feel failure and guilt because they weren't able to keep their child from harm. Small omissions or commissions loom large. It is important that you not add to these feelings of guilt by suggesting that the care given the child either at home, at the hospital or wherever, was inadequate. This only adds to their burden.

DON'T: suggest to younger parents "but you can have other children". They may or may not be ale to have another child, but it is not appropriate for you offer comfort with the thought of another child. You see, they wanted this child

DO: show your concern, do be there over the months to come on a regular basis. Allow them to tell you how they feel, and listen when they tell you. Don't tell them what you think they should be feeling. Leave them free to express anger and guilt. If you know a certain time of day is particularly difficult, do try to plan your visits to coincide with that time. Do be patient. Allow them to grieve in their own way and at their own pace. Avoid judgments and try to be accepting of the different ways in which grief can be manifested. Remember, it is better to touch and cry than to stand back and offer clichés. When all is said and done, you will be remembered not only for having been there when the need was great, but also for having known the right thing to say and do.

DON'T: remind them that they should be grateful they have other children. Children are not interchangeable. Each has his own special place, and no one child can fill the void left by another's death. You need to be aware that for a while, the parents sometimes lose their ability to nurture their surviving children. You can help by giving these children a little extra attention until life at home is on a more even keel. Siblings often feel very much alone and
bewildered when the structure of their family has fallen apart.

DO: allow the grieving parent to express their feelings, if they have that need. The pain involved in letting go, the anger, frustration and guilt are all a part of the normal grieving process, leaving them empty and without purpose for a long time. Allow them to tell you how they feel. Don't tell them how you think they should feel. They just need you to listen. You aren't expected to be able to take away the hurt or to have all the answers. Talking and crying about the loss are the first steps toward recovery for some. After they have cried and talked about their loss enough, they are then free to go on to the next step in the recovery process. Your willingness to listen helps them, and isn't that your ultimate goal? Encourage them to be patient with themselves when they grow discouraged with their slow progress.

DON'T: try to find something positive about their child's death. If there is anything positive about the death, the parents will have to find it in their own time. If you are tempted to point out such things as "closer family ties," or their child is "in a better place", or "it will make the marriage stronger", don't do it. Parents hear this time and time again. It doesn't help, and instead may cause bitterness. Many marriages do not make it through the loss of a child and closer family ties are not always the outcome.

DO: know that it is difficult for the newly bereaved to reach out to you for help. Grieving is emotionally and physically draining. Just getting through the day might take more energy then they have. Let the family know you are available to be with them if it would be comforting. Conversely, when you invite the parents over, be sure to give a specific date, instead of leaving the initiative up to them. Being at ease in large crowds may take time, so plan only small
gatherings, leaving them free to leave whenever the moment is right for them. If the first invitation is refused, offer another at a specific date later on. Being at parties and with other people is not going to take their mind off their loss and make them have a good time. The thought of it may make them feel guilty and be an affront to them.

DON'T: rush in and remove their child's belongings, or change their room unless the parent specifically asks you to. It takes some parents many months before they are ready to change anything. It is their right to decide what they want to keep and what they would like to share with others. You may feel they will recover faster if they face this sad task immediately, but that is not necessarily the case. Leave them alone until the time is right for them, and then
help them only if they ask you to. Don't make it an issue


Thank you for taking the time to read this and I really do appreciate all of you have been so supportive.

Please continue to pray for these requests

Lindsay is back in the hospital you can link to her blog from our page on the right hand side under Heart family it says Lindsay.
Gary Meyering is my pastors dad and he has cancer continue to pray for him also my other pastor is in Isreal pray for a safe trip for him
Dalton's family as they are grieving for him
My friend Leslie and her two boys as they are going through a lot and her continued health problems with the lesions on her brain and the clot on her brain behind her eye

Thank you, Blessings and Heart Hugs,

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

1st Annual Ethin's Heart Still Beats Heart Ball

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January 9, 2010
VFW Hall
9075 Mason Dr
Newaygo, MI 49337

Doors will open at 4:30pm
A welcome will happen at 5:30pm
Dinner immediately following the welcome 6pm-7pm eat dinner
7pm introduction and about the event
715pm introduction of a speaker
745 faces of CHD video
8pm a formal waltz in memory of Ethin Twigg
805pm a thank you and enjoy the rest of our evening dancing

Dinner will be a buffet style dinner donated and catered by CSK Catering dinner will be served with one glass of wine. There will be other things to drink with a tip jug donation.
There will be a silent auction and dancing after the thank you
Tickets are $75 for one or $125 for two please make checks payable for the tickets to Jessica Twigg and in the memo line write Heart Ball
This is a black tie event so dig out your tuxes and formal gowns for a great cause that will help the Hearts of many!!!
All proceeds from this event will be donated to the University of Michigan Mott's Children's Hospital Congenital Heart Center in Memory of Ethin RaiLuc Twigg 1/9/09-6/27/09
R.S.V.P. to Jessica Twigg
513 Sunset Dr.
Newaygo, MI 49337
chdhlhs09@yahoo.com
616-634-3029


Wow God has been amazing through the process of setting this up. I feel so blessed that Ethin's first Birthday will be a huge celebration doing what he did best....TOUCH THE LIVES of OTHERS!!! I am excited to see if this will turn out the way I think it will. My goal is to sell 100 tickets but I have enough room to seat many more than that!!! Lets see how this goes!!!

In other news I am still in desperate need of blankets. Our Cuddles From The Heart Program in MI is off to a good start and we have about 30 so we only need about another 270. I think that this is very doable. You can mail me your new store bought or homemade blanket to Jessica Twigg 513 Sunset Dr. Newaygo, MI 49337
We will be handing these blankets out in Feb. at Mott's where Ethin spent his life. The comfort of our own blankets during his life was just enough to make the hospital feel more like our home than a hospital. The nurses liked putting them on his bed and I liked knowing there were some areas where comfort was attainable. So let's get these blankets!!! If that is not enough to motivate you October 24th is National Make a Difference Day and you can make the difference by mailing me a blanket for the kids at the hospital I need them for Newborn to teens although I am sure in the area of older kids I will fall short. Thanks ahead of time.
I also still have Ethin's Bracelets. They are $2 each and I can mail them to you if you mail me the money to the above address also. All the money from these bracelets are funding the heart ball.

Alright onto the life stuff......
Well last night emotion struck me like a hurricane. I was in the fridge which I have been in many times since Ethin passed and I looked in the door also done that many times and there was a bottle of medicine. I though it was going to be antibiotics from one of the kids or something and no it was bottle of Captopril!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! So I looked at it and realized what it was began to cry a little and put it back. I did not know it was there and now that I know it is there I just can not throw it away. Is that bad or what? I just do not wanna let go of him. I have tried to not sleep with his monkey and his prayer shawl....I just can not do it. I have tried to pack his stuff up rather than allow my room to be a prison when I go in there but I CAN'T do it. I have tried to not go to the cememetery as much and I can not do it.
The list of Can'ts I do not like the word can't but I am starting to realize there are some things I can't do. I can't throw away his medicine, I can't take the last bottle out of the cupboard, I can't put his monkey and prayer shawl blanket in a box, I can't put any of his stuff in a box, I can't not go to the cemetery, I can't let my son go, I can't be normal again! I can't seems to have over taken my life! Although some of these things I am glad I can't do as I think if I did I may lose the rest of myself in doing so.
I can however now sit in public for 45 minutes I may be freaking out but I can do it. I can coach cheerleading and have fun with my team(s). I can also eat at least once a day now although I normally don't. I can do these things and they are small but I can do it.
I also feel like there are certain things that are getting missed in my life. What I mean is that my life truly still revolves around Ethin and the J Triplets have gotten lost in the mix of me trying to deal with life and learn to live again. I hope that they never see this, but I do. I see that they are lost in my life. Not that they are physically lost I know where they are, but that they are lost among the fact that Ethin died and so did I. My life is not what it used to be and that affects their life too. I love them so much and I need to live for them, but truly I do not think about them the way I still think about their brother. Someone told me that I was afraid that they would grow up and realize that I loved their brother more than them.......Very hurtful yes, but maybe they are right....I tried to justify my love for my kids by saying I love them all very differently, but I really feel like a failure to my kids knowing that I can not just move on not even for them. I feel like I have failed all four of my kids. They are all very deserving of having me be the best I can be but I am not sure what the best of me is anymore.
So that being said I always talk about myself and the grief I carry. In that mix they get forgotten so I want to share them with you.
Jessa will be 8 on November 29....She is in 3rd grade and she is a cheer leader and a soccer player. She is super smart and she is my child that would come up like a rose no matter where she was. She is my first born so I expericenced mothering with her first. She is beautiful and that scares me. All in all a very amazing little girl that is growing up to fast. I miss her being little and I remember those days so well they are seeds planted in my head and my heart. Jessa has a heart murmur that never scared me until now. But she is normal as any kid her age. I dream of Jessa being an amzing woman that will do great things. I love the way the sun glows on her face and I love her smile it is full and amazing. She looks the most like me and she has my dimples. Her eyes are bright and beautiful. She loves to read and she loves church. She thrives on growing in God. God blessed my life with Jessa first I was young, but we did it. Jessa helped me do it and has never complained when I did it wrong, becasue all she knows is what I know! Here is a picture of her..........



Jonathin will be 7 on October 21. He is my first boy. He is so gentle at heart and not all tough boy and I am ok with that. I love that he is a lover. He is my cuddler even at 7 he still wants to cuddle with his mommy. He is my first momma's boy and I am hoping that he stays that way! He is a TV and video game junkie. He loves power rangers and Ben 10. Jonathin shares my intials JM and he also shares my dimples. Jonathin is togh at times to handle. He is my child that is just like me. He is stubborn and independent. He is the one I get calls from the school and then I have to laugh knowing he really is just like me!!! Jonathin is a protector of his sisters. No one messes with the girls unless it is him. Jonathin has a laugh that rings through the room and you can not ever help but laugh with him. He lives to make you laugh. He is overly friendly and that scares me. In moments of his outwardness I am glad we live in a small town. God shows me something with Jonathin all the time. God has taught me patience with him and he shows me his beauty of friendship through Jonathin. Jonathin is a friendly happy guy. Here is my Little Man.....


Last but not least there is Jayde also known as Tater Tot, she will be 6 on December 30. My golly how fast 6 years really have gone. Jayde started Kindergarten this year. I cried I will not lie. Jayde is my youngest girl and she is still just to cute! She was my child that scared me when she was young after a week in the hospital from rotavirus. Jayde cheers and plays soccer. She just wants to be like Jessa. She is my baby girl and she cracks me up. She says the darndest things. She captures peoples hearts because she is still got that baby face to her. She is smart and she has this thing about her voice that it really is just a child of God talking. She has a love for God like none of the other three. She begs to listen to Christian music in the car and she really loves church and her church friends. I see Jayde being a pastor one day preaching to many people. Tater Tot is my very brutally blunt child. She is the one that says just what she thinks. Jayde's innocence is still very sweet and I do love that about her. Meet Tater Tot.........
These are the J Triplets. They are amazing kids and I am lucky to be there mom. They are my drive. They are my everything and I would truly be lost without them. They each hold a very special place in my heart. I would not be the same without them or Ethin. Jessa, Jonthin, Jayde, and Ethin....They are my children always and I will forever love each of them for the individuals that they are! So no I do not love one more than the other I do love them all very differently. I am a mother of four amazing children all whom I love with everything I have!
Blessings and Love,

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Struggles

Alright so it has been awhile since I updated on my family. I have been struggling with all the words to use to try to update you all and to make some sort of sense of it all and then the more i thought today I realized I am struggling everywhere.
I am struggling with Ethin being gone. My son is gone! He is not away on a vacation or at a hospital for a while he gone never coming back he is dead. Sadly this is a hard thing for me to handle or deal with. Now in saying this I have to say yes in the back of my head I have known he is dead, but in the last week I know it is real. I stayed so busy trying to just ignore the truth that in doing so I have not grieved for Ethin. I really never even accepted that he was gone. And so now i am struggling with Ethin being gone, I am struggling with my grief for my beloved son, I am struggling that at night my arms are empty, I am struggling that I do not have my baby! I am struggling.
Struggling here leads to struggles everywhere. I am struggling with God......I am not sure if I am angry with him or want to run to him. I am not sure if I hate him or love him. I am not sure if I trust him or am betrayed by him. I am struggling with God and I do not like it. I went back and read my carepages of Ethin's life. I had so much Faith I had the kind of faith that I looked at and thought wow what a lucky woman she has an incredibly close relationship with god and believes in him so much. And now I am the woman I look at and want to reach to and say honey it is going to be OK God will take care of you and I will help you till you see where you need to be. Now I sound crazy.
Struggling I am struggling with the fact that I feel like I can have completely outta body experiences. Like I know what is happening, but it is not real. Like I can look at all of it and look at me and go wow she is standing and she is falling she is doing it and she is failing. I can stand and hurt for me, but I can not really hurt. I am struggling with it all.
I am struggling with all the expectations.....I am expected to just be done grieving, I am expected to not cry at church, I am expected to go back to work, I am expected to live like it never happened. I think the way t was most recently put was to just get over it and move on! Get over it???? Are you kidding me?? How do I get over that I had a son and he dead and not with me!!!???? How do I just move on.....Move on like what like he never existed??? Get over it and move on!???? I wish it were that simple......
So I am struggling......I am struggling that because I am struggling I have to help do it. I am in intense counseling right now. All for my grief. I have to go once a week and every other week I have to go to see their doctor. Are you kidding me??? Because I am struggling through this I had to get help to do it. I feel so unreal.
Oh lets not forget that in my struggles I still have an ex-husband who would do what ever he can to make my life a living hell. Yes I am struggling with him to find the words to just get him off my back.
Can there never be an end to all of it that piles up? Can there never be an end to the struggling? Can there ever be an end that I will learn to live without my son? Will I live without him and live a semi normal life?
Ethin crashed into this world and took every part of who I was.....I did not love him more than my other kids I simply loved him so differently.....He was my life and I was all he had. I remember telling him I needed him to fight because I could not live without him and now for the last three months I have been alive without him. Barely what I would call living but I am alive.
I am struggling watching my kids deal with this. Jessa told me she just wished for one more minute with him. I just cried becasue I wish for that all the time too. They are doing well with it, but not great Jonathin really just acts like it never happened, but when he lets it out He really lets it out. The girls cry and my ex told me it's my fault because I have pictures of him up here and that it reminds them it makes it all real for them. How am I supposed to help them and me all at once? If I make it look like he never existed I would not be OK with that and some how I am sure that is not what would be good for them either. But I am struggling to know what to do for all of us.
Struggling to know what God wants me to do with this. I am doing and going just trying to do it and not sure if it is what I am supposed to do or how I am supposed to do it. So yes I am struggling with life as a whole.
Anyhow onto our happenings here. Jessa and Jayde are still cheer leading and I am still coaching them. That seems to be a lot of fun for us all. This last Saturday their dad and I got walk them out onto the football field. I was so proud of them a bit nervous to be out there, but proud to be standing next to them. My daughters cheer leaders for Newaygo Junior Lions!
Went to church this past Sunday too. It was a struggle as I walk in and Ethin was not there. The last place I seen him was in that church and now he is not there. He is not in there. I am struggling in a place I have always just felt at ease, and now I feel like it takes everything in me to go there. Let alone know my place within the church. Oh the struggles......
Anyhow onto the good stuff that seems to also bring me joy
Cuddles From the Heart
This is a program that started a year ago in Iowa. I now do the program here in MI and am collecting new store bought or homemade blankets to hand out in February 2010 at Mott's hospital where Ethin was his whole life. Having your own blankets at the hospital is a comfort for many people. The nurses like to have them to put on the kids beds and the parents like to see their children curl up with their own blanket. I need a total of 300 blankets for children from newborn to teenagers to give out. I need the blankets by January 31, 2010. You can send me the blankets to my address Jessica Twigg 513 Sunset Dr. Newaygo, MI 49337
Also I still have Ehtin's bracelets. They are $2 each and all money goes to benefit the Heart Ball that will be happening on January 9, 2010 here in Newaygo. I will be posting all of that next week. Date time and ticket prices. Oh that is coming together beautifully!
Until next time all I have is prayers....
Please pray for my pastors dad Gary as he begins his fight with cancer and be with his family as they stand by him through this
Brittney a heart transplant friend of ours has been in the hospital for the last day sick please pray for her
On the 8th of this month tomorrow please pray for JR as he has surgery on his knee
My friend Leslie has just been told she has a form of MS and has a clot behind her eye please pray for her and her boys as they go through this

Blessings to You All,
Jessica

Friday, October 2, 2009

PRAYERS

I have a few prayer requests.....

Lindsay Deans dad JR is to have surgery on the 8th please keep in prayer and lift the family to the ultimate surgeon.

Secondly I have gone to the same church since I was born...I have seen people come in and go. Pastors preach and be called to move elsewhere. Adults become members, transfer memberships, baptisms, funerals, weddings. I watched life here. Always knowing my children would be raised here too. On March 27, 2005 Pastor Andrea first thing she did after having her son was my public Profession of Faith in the same church I had been baptized in 22 years early. Then Pastor Nate after my Profession of Faith baptized my three children Jessa, Jonathin, and Jayde. My pastors seen me through a very rough pregnancy with Ethin and the day I had Ethin Pastor Andrea drove through a blizzardy weather to when my son was 5 hours old on 1/9/09 she dedicated him to God. Pastor Nate and Andrea switched she left he came and prayed over Ethin before his first open heart surgery on 1/15/09. Both my pastors and there children came and visited us in AA on 1/30/09 on there way to vacation they stopped for us. April 1, 2009 Pastor Andrea trekked the way to AA to pray over Ethin for his second open heart surgery. She slept in a waiting room with me. She was my friend when I feared I may not see my son. She went home things seemed well she never got all the way home when I called and said I needed one of Pastors to come back and quick and bring the stuff to baptize Ethin...Pastor Nate arrived very late to find my very sick baby on April 2. He too slept in the waiting room that night. My pastors thought of it all and Andrea even sent the sweater their son Micah was baptized in for Ethin to were for his. On April 3 Pastor Nate baptized my son. Ethin past away on June 27th and both my my pastors raced to AA to be with us. To do what ever I needed. They helped the next few days get through a funeral and both played a part in his funeral service. My pastors really have been there for my family through it all.....Now I am going to flip the tables a bit.....
Pastor Andrea's father was diagnosed earlier today with lung cancer. Please pray for her father to have God's strength get him through the treatments. Please lift the whole Meyering family up in prayer as this is hard news to handle. Pray that God give them a sense of peace and comfort. PLease pray that this cancer does not spread anywhere else. Pray that the doctors involved continue to just use what God gave them to get Gary through this. Please just pray for healing our God is an Awesome God and he is the Ultimate Healer. Please pray for my pastors and their kids as they all go through it together. Give them the strength that will be needed to do this.
Clearly they are more than just my pastors but my friends and pray for them. We Heart families if there is one thing we can do it is always pray right???

As always Much love and Heart hugs, Jessica and the J Triplets